Sandi2, I have ic scheduled for Wed., I'm having a hard time figuring how to find out if MC are good or not. I'm gonna call EACH tomorrow and see if they can help with that. Our last MC session was bad and I want to make sure we find someone that is helpful. I will schedule something in the next day or two, hopefully later in the week.
Tonight W and I went to my moms house for my nieces graduation party. This was the first time that my W was fully engaged with my family since all this began, it really felt natural and not forced, and I think we both had a great time.
Thank you everyone for your input, to many to identify ndividually, but I agreed to back off her quitting fire academy, and I've decided to stop snooping and verifying. I'm gonna watch her attitude and manuerisms, and will only verify if I sense a change, no good has come from my verifying because I read too much into everything. I definitely have my own demons to work through, and for now that's where I'm gonna focus.
M - 9 1/2 years 5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA 10/31/16 - We sold house 01/10/18 - D Finalized
I am reaching out to you so that I may apologize for my grossly inappropriate and immature posting on (City) Fire Departments Station 4 chat. I deeply regret introducing any distraction to the professionalism, and dedication, that you and your staff maintain in serving the citizens of (City), FL. I understand the utmost importance of your team remaining focused, vigilant and cohesive, to assure the safety of each of your team members and the citizens of Plantation. It saddens me to consider consequences that could result from my actions.
I would like to assure you that the actions were all mine, a betrayal of my wife’s trust, and that I am willing to take any action, or accept any consequence, to make amends for my grossly inappropriate behavior. I can assure you that I am ashamed of what I have done, and there will not be any future inappropriate behavior involving your organization. I completely support my wife’s involvement in your organization, and can only hope my actions do not prevent her from participating in your organization, where she has found a true passion in serving.
M - 9 1/2 years 5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA 10/31/16 - We sold house 01/10/18 - D Finalized
I don't know, Coconut. Did your W say anything about you posting an apology? Maybe the less said about it, the better? It may clear your conscious, but it seems to draw more attention......IMHO. I certainly do not think you should do it without discussing it with your W and showing the letter to her first.
Quote:
I am reaching out to you so that I may apologize for my grossly inappropriate and immature posting on (City) Fire Departments Station 4 chat. I deeply regret introducing any distraction to the professionalism, and dedication, that you and your staff maintain in serving the citizens of (City), FL. I understand the utmost importance of your team remaining focused, vigilant and cohesive, to assure the safety of each of your team members and the citizens of Plantation. It saddens me to consider consequences that could result from my actions.
I would like to assure you that the actions were all mine, a betrayal of my wife’s trust, and that I am willing to take any action, or accept any consequence, to make amends for my grossly inappropriate behavior. I can assure you that I am ashamed of what I have done, and there will not be any future inappropriate behavior involving your organization. I completely support my wife’s involvement in your organization, and can only hope my actions do not prevent her from participating in your organization, where she has found a true passion in serving.
I would not add the second paragraph at all. It is completely overdone. As I said, I think it may cause more attention on your W. Please don't react by trying to do something to make up for your actions. Stay in the middle of the road, Coconut.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I am going to challenge you again. Everything you said in that apology is the complete opposite of what you have been expressing here. You want her off the FD, you want her to have zero contact with OM and contact with male officers makes you very upset. Yet in the email, you say how you completely support your W's involvement in the organization, your recognize her true passion, and you understand the team being cohesive.
Do you truly believe in everything you said in that email and have had a true change of heart? or are you trying to say the right things to make this "better'? Because if you are going to say everything you claim on there, you are going to have to follow through.......
Great post Ginger. Really makes me think about things I'm doing and why I'm working on them
Cnut, I understand you want to make it right after that happen I completely agree with Sandi and Blu Less is more!!
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
Ginger, my reactions to her interactions at the fire station are my issues not hers. I want her to quit the fire department, no actually I want her to have an invisible male force field, but controlling her isn't gonna make us work. I NEED to trust her, I NEED to respect my contribution to our MR.
My W will always have opportunity to meet OM, just yesterday she was approached while out picking up a card for graduation party, my wife is absolutely beautiful, I can not control others attraction to her. I have to trust her response to those OM will be that she's happily married. If I make her quit something she is truly passionate about, I'm gonna have a hard time getting her to feel happily married.
M - 9 1/2 years 5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA 10/31/16 - We sold house 01/10/18 - D Finalized
