What Should I be doing (4)

[sandi2]

I really hate to hear all that has taken place. As I mentioned in a previous post, it has been rather obvious that steam has been building in you. I am wondering if you had seeds planted by reading about exposure. It is so common for the LBS to hang onto the idea that there is one explosive action he can do that finally end his pain and secure his M again.

IMHO, both of you were at fault. I can see why she didn't want to reveal where she was, b/c she resents being scrutinized. Even if she were completely innocent in her actions, she gave room for doubt and suspiciouns by her staying so late at the station and the interaction with the M men.

In the meantime, you were a volcano just waiting for something to happen, and you'd explode. You have to get help in dealing with your emotions. You are your own worst enemy.

Both of you must come to a clear understanding with each other. Your W must know the triggers that set you off..........and she needs to tread lightly with her behavior with the men at the station. She needs to stop finding excuses to hang out at the station. Any type of playful/flirty behavior around the opposite sex is not being fair to the H she betrayed. Coconut, you have to tell her. You cannot just expect her know how you feel. And, She will resent your spying, more and more. Talk to her about it.

So now, you have outted her, and you feel just terrible about it. It could have cost you your M, but at the moment, you wanted to pay her back for the pain she caused you. (And I think partly b/c you had this exposure idea in the back of your head). Thing is, the OM wasn't even there at the station, but you still used him as your main target. You call him a predator, which sounds as if it could have been borrowed from the board...........but let me suggest that you don't know that the OM was any worse than your own hot little wife! You had rather believe the OM was the predator.

But now, you regret it and what do you do? You completely swing to the other side. I'm surprised you didn't contact OM and his W to apologize! Try to stay in the middle of the road and stop swing from side to side.

You have got to find a MC to help you both get through this before more damage comes. Why have you put it off? At least, find an IC to help you through the healing process.