What Should I be doing (4)

[RSG]

That is great to hear. Admitting to her it was a terrible thing and not just apologizing, but going above and beyond is about the best you can do. You also came up with a plan of action in case you start having an emotional moment that would case undue problems.

I remember talking with WW and said "I write to keep myself from doing crazy things." She said, what would you be doing? I need to keep a job! I didn't have any idea what she meant, and just told her writing kept me from calling, sending nasty texts, having a meltdown at home, not sleeping, etc. I guess she meant not posting something awful on FB, because we have mutual friends including her boss and coworkers. But, I know I couldn't do that. I haven't told anyone about the affair because I'm so embarrassed and I already know they'd scream GET OUT SHE'S AN EVIL B****

I still have to determine if I'm willing to go all in on forgiveness, but I know embarrassing her publicly would mean no chance at reconciliation and a huge fight over custody.

Good luck to you. For all of us, this is a clear battle between the heart and head. Don't let fear get the better of you.