Honestly, it was the suckiest birthday I have had in a long time, I'm not going to lie. The loneliness crushed me and tears were pouring out of my eyes a lot. I took the day off, went to the gym and had lunch with my friend (which was nice). Had dinner with my cousin and her family and D8, of course. D8 was sad she didn't have any gifts for me, my dad usually takes her but he is away, and that was another sucky part, I missed my dad and stepmother. Ex never took the time in the whole time he had her to pick out a card or a gift. However, the next day I dropped her off, it was kind of awkward. He went out and got a card and signed it from her. And a giftcard. D8 watched me open it and it was her first time seeing it with me. Weird, but appreciated.
Some know, and some don't, but exNG is the friend of a Db'er. He is pretty sure exNG is going through a MLC. He said it's hard to watch. It's sad for me to. I thought maybe he would wish me a happy birthday. Didn't happen. Shouldn't have had an expectation, but I think it solidified how self absorbed he is. More details, but none of them matter.
Another male from my past resurfaced after almost a year to wish me a happy bday. We caught up a bit and I was happy to hear he was seeing someone. he is really a great guy, probably the only one who has ever been honest with me, even if it wasn't what I wanted to hear. But.........
I'm done. I think I am just done. Almost every single R of mine has ended pretty much the same. I'm good enough up until a point, they claim they aren't in a place for an R, then 5 minutes later they are in one. Literally, 5 minutes later, or weeks before and I didn't even know it. I am the in-between girl. My marriage was even a stepping stone to the real deal for ex. ANd when we dated, he did the same thing. Wouldn't commit, yet slept at my house every night and spent all his time with me, claimed he didn't want a GF, and found a different one while we seeing eachother which he considered his GF. I DB'd him back then and didn't even know it. It's one thing if I chose unavailable men, and they actually don't want an R and work on themselves or whatever, but that's not the case.
I am the common demoninator in all of this. I have done work upon work, and I just can't figure out what I am doing wrong. I have no clue. I think I am finally pretty decent and worth the real deal. But for some reason, everyone of my R's end the same.
Onine guy seems to have ghosted me, too and he really seemed decent.
So, I am done. I honestly cannot have the same thing happen to me again. It will break me. ExNG came very close to breaking me, if I am honest.
But V- if I wanted to keep pursuing and trying, you are completely right. I had actually looked into some clubs/meetups/volunteer activites, hopeing ot do something fun with the chance of meeting someone. But with kid schedules, work and school, whenever I found something I just couldn't for some reason. Maybe whe D is older, and I am strong enough to try again, that's the route I'll go.
But for now, I am just going to have to get back to getting used to have the romantic partnership are of my life being a lonely one. I was used to it before, I'll be used to it again.
