What Should I be doing (4)

[Coconut]

I will start by saying I'm not proud of my actions of posting the text to the Fire stations group chat, and I have clearly hurt her very deeply. I shamed her to people that she works with, and have made things very difficult for her there. I offered to write an apology letter to her captain, which she appreciated. after hearing her feelings on it, I'm deeply saddened that I allowed myself to embarrass the woman I say I love so much. I truly regret that action. I always tell people I believe outing the A is a bad idea, but now I truly understand the implications, and feel no joy in causing so much pain to her, regardless of the pain I feel. I am embarrassed that I acted so immature.

I told her my thought process when doing so, but I did it in a moment of weakness, and my reasoning doesn't hold much water to even me while I'm clear headed. I think I'm the worst DB'r ever.

I told my wife that I had already decided not to tell the OM W, and I don't know why I had the idea to do what I did. She did tell me someone at the station is good friends with the OM W, and apparently forwarded the message to her. All around it was a bad idea.

My wife said she still wants us to work, but anything that happens will need to stay between her and I, I gave her my word and deleted all of text messages. I swore that if I start feeling that way, the only thing I will do is go in the bedroom and wait it out. She said that she will approach me in there to discuss if I wanted, or would leave the room if I didn't want, that she would just be there for me. I have gotten into the "crazy" mode 3 or 4 times in the last 2 months, and hopefully I can end those episodes.

Her Captain did call her and tell her that they will not tolerate drama at the station, that personal matters need to stay at home. He also told her that he understands the strain that the acadamy puts on marriages, and that he doesnt want her to quit, but he can't allow drama. He also offered to hold a station wide barbecue so that I and all the other spouses could go to the station and meet everyone, because they really do understand the struggles.

Lesson learned, if you really want your marriage to work, do NOT out an A, especially once it has already ended, cause your just gonna make things harder.

So after all that I've done, she's gonna stay in the academy and we will continue to try and move forward.