Moving on

[Painter]

TX, I did what I could to crush it and also take the excitement out of it. Many people knew, I was open about it, but also too forgiving.

Strangely, your post only now appeared and shows as the latest one in the thread...

Yes, this is a more extreme repeat of our story. When I met H, we were first long-distance friends (e-mail), and he said he was already separated because his W had an A and mental problems, but still shared the house due to finances and kids. We eventually became more than friends but only saw each other a few times because of the distance. Then I started getting concerned about the lack of movement towards a D and that he was lying, so I ended it. After several months of NC, I talked to him and he had moved out right after I broke it off. It became a long-distance R again and we decided that I would move to the US. I refused to come until his D was final (12 months from S).

I realize now that he was probably lying about many things (although stepkids have confirmed that M was high conflict and Ex was abusive, that Ex dated alleged A partner after the split - he left his wife for her and then she dumped him - and that they were relieved when their parents decided to split) and I was naive. It was my first M and I wish I could turn back time and let the older, wiser me guide me.

H lied to me repeatedly through the years about the A being over.