Thanks for stopping by. Yes, I have a very sore head this morning - self inflicted. I don't know why I felt so down yesterday. It hasn't happened for ages, but I just couldn't shake it off at all. I had the wine because I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep without it. I still have those anxiety dreams (actually they are at least twice a week) and I just can't shake it at the minute.
Maybe it's the weather. It's been unusually sunny and warm in chilly old Scotland, and in the past that would have queued a great day out with the kids. Lots of fun, a meal, great times. Instead, it took me ages to actually get motivated off the setee. That's not normal at all. Gyms, being gyms, stink of sweat and seem to filled with blokes posing. I was busy doing my 40 crunchies when some Norbert stands in front of me and starts taking pictures of his muscles! I wanted to jump up and smash him on the nose! The comparison between having a family day out and watching some nobhead taking selfies, in a sweat drenched room, just hurt a bit more.
The blonde on the train was lovely. About my age but I just couldn't be bothered to try and strike up a conversation. I know my heart wouldn't be in it at all. She was looking at me, even smiled when I got off the train and I just didn't respond. Quite a lot of the women I work with comment on how much younger I look and how much weight I've lost. Yeah, it's great to get some compliments, but I don't feel it. Know what I mean?
Let's face it, we're all waiting for a 'turnback' moment. None of our circumstances are particularly unique, it's just the application of the problem that requires individual treatment. Every single one of us has applied the rules and have been scarred. The rules are to protect us mainly, but you can see flashes of the 'solution' presenting itself. I read sandi2's rules every now and again and I am doing everything that I should and I'm applying the rules from the DB book and I see flashes from W. So yeah, I haven't given up hope, but I don't let her twist me around.
Anyway, of to the gym in a bit then I might have a long walk later - it's meant to be nice again!
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
