Working on me and letting it play out

[cbtdad]

I'm really losing patience
I'm trying not to
But I just got into a R talk with my W
At all times after I walked in on her pleasuring herself.
And I just couldn't let it go. What is wrong with me?
Knowing that I obviously interrupted her and I just felt like [censored].
Felt like I'm useless in this house.
I flat out asked her what are we doing? To which I got the "I don't want to talk about this right now" and I kept asking and pursuing. It was so bad
I even brought up how sorry I was for the verbal abuse from the past, etc
It was awful. She just kept saying I don't wanna talk right now and I kept pushing
It was like everything I've been working on went out the window.
I even asked have you thought about me in that way(sexually)?
Knowing dang well the answer would be no. It's like I was looking for pain so I could make it easier to want to leave this marriage
I know at this point that she wants nothing to do with me romantically.
I just feel like I'm still in this house to make her life easier
The problem is i know why she is like that and why her walls her up, yet I just feel like I'm losing patience
Damn I feel like giving up