WAW,still angry, am I indifferent or detached now?

[Vanilla]

Tagline not tagine!

V

[Bear007]

As I started DBing, it was with the hope to save my marriage. I thought I wanted to be he man she was initially attracted to. But I saw that I would never be that 25 year old young man that was trying to find his way in the world. Nor did I want to be that man. I wanted to be a better man than that. I have been a father since I was that man. I have lived in a marriage that was more broken for years than I was willing to accept. I was a man that was fighting for marriage, because my family was the most important thing to me, and now I see that she stopped fighting more years ago than I am willing to admit.

Maybe I started detaching years ago to protect my self, as she did not seem interested in working as partners and progressing in our evolution as people, parents ,and spouses. I hoped that she would see changes and desire to change as well. What happened is resentment and anger took hold instead.

Now is the time to continue to change and evolve and not simply be the man only a fool would leave, but it is to attract the woman, that a good man, father and future husband deserves to continue to evolve with. ...

This is a long post and although we have different stories, some thing resonated with me, and I could connect them to my situation and also empathize with you.

Mine W started to grow not when I pushed her (and I have been trying to get out of her shell for a long time), but when she decided to - basically when she fell in love and wanted to win the heart of fitness coach.

also, 'As I started DBing, it was with the hope to save my marriage. '.
DB was for me also a hope, but later on - a way to stay sane in this new unexpected life-changing situation.

At the end, we must stay father figure, and work to be best version of ourselves.

Thank you for this inspiring post, I will return to this post in future - insights in this are too big for one reading.

[PsySara]

I also had to revisit who I was when WH fell in love with me. Ironically I was less mature and more selfish at that time, so there are definite traits I will not be returning to. However I was also more spontaneous and confident. The sponteniety would be great to retrieve but it will be tempered with the reality of having 3 small children.

Honestly I think I am a better person now than I was when we first married. WH, on the other hand, hasn't change much and that's not good. He still wants to live the bachelor lifestyle and seems uninterested in truly embracing the husband and father role. Part of Dbing was me realizing that I would not settle for my WH as he is but rather work on me and decide if I would even give him a second chance. If he comes back to the marriage I will only consider him if he does the work necessary to grow as a person. I will not stay with a mental embryo. At the end of this particular chapter (and I am mid-chapter presently) I will either be better and alone or better and partnered, regardless I will be better.

[SH_]

I think you are doing great in your situation and especially for the relatively short time you have been here. You have also been very insightful on other people's threads.A great help to many.


Keep up the good work.

Thank you roist for the vote of confidence. I have found it therapeutic to assist others with my experiences, as well as it helps me to confirm what I need to do.

Just a quick question?Are you spending a healthy amount of time on thus forum? Sometimes I have noticed people being very active here only to later realise it was not a good balance and something was being neglected. Just food for thought.

If this is not an issue, please use without moderation.TThis really is a useful place.

Point well taken
LOL
Ironic, that I was thinking something along this line over the weekend. I am rebalancing a number of things so that I don't get stagnant. Each stage of this journey has things that will benefit me, but I need to keep it progressing. As I said, the time reading others stories and sharing my thoughts and experiences is therapeutic, but I need to keep a balance.

Thank you, roist, for checking in on me and the kind words as well as food for thought.

[Phoebe]

Hi, SH. Just a total drive you to check on you. Looks like you're doing well. I'm exhausted.

(((((SparrowHawk)))))

[SH_]

There is a fundamental thinking error in this I believe.
It assumes all positions are fixed which they aren't. We change and so do the dynamics of R.

Hi V.
Would you expound on your thought here? I would be interested to hear your insight around this.

I am amazed at D17, what a wise owl.

She so is. I will journal some more about the challenges and successes she has had to go through with her mother. It has become almost a daily dance.

I am reading SH, truly I am.
BTW love the tagline.

SH=Savvy Heart

Thank you V! I know you have been a bit under the weather, and I hope you are feeling better.
Knowing that you are still watching over me here, provides comfort. Thank you.

[SH_]

I plan to reply to Phoebe and OFP in regards to the thoughts shared around my "musings" of the expectation and evolution of partners in relationships.
I have had a busy week and the weekend looks to be busy as well, as I have both d's, a car to purchase and a new place to find. Yes, the finance agreement finally went through and now I have access financially to accomplish a few things.

I wish everyone a peaceful night and plan to catch up this weekend in between the work and fun that will be accomplished.

[SH_]

Good morning everyone.

Wanted to wish everyone a wonderful morning.

I'm up and at 'em with an early morning workout and jog before our early heat wave rolls in today.

I am planning a fun and productive day with my daughters and feeling confident.

Keep on Dbing my friends.
It is the only way for those of us in the situations we are in. The universe, the higher powers and God has a plan for each of us and the knowledge and strength that we glean from these times will benefit us in fulfilling it.

Be well and may each of you find moments of peace, strength and love today.

[Vanilla]

How are your beautiful Ds today?

V

[SH_]

Hi V!

My little angels are doing well today overall.

D5 has so much energy and is just always with a smile on her face. We went to a pet shop so she could see the puppies. This may be on a list of things for her once o\I get into my new place. She loved every minute of it. We also went to a movie and this time she stayed awake and had a good time. She is the sweetest little thing and you can not help but be in a good mood when she is with you.

D17 is doing okay, but I think the issues with her mother are taking a toll on her. She seems to be in a daze the past several days and broke down a couple of times today. She is doubting herself and feels like she is not going any where fast. I may have added to the issue as I try to help her and "fix" things.

I try hard to just listen and validate but I do have an issue with trying to hard to tell her what fixes she can try as options. Her mixed signals to me also make it a challenge at times when I don't say anything she gets frustrated, and other times I talk to much. She really needs a mothers touch , but that just does not exist right now with all the tension between them. Grrr, I just want to give her everything and take her away from all of the pain.

I do think that while outwardly she has accepted the pending divorce of her parents, that she may be holding a lot inwardly that is breaking her down. But what do I know.? I am fighting some of my own demons, and may be holding things in that will blow some day. I still have this nagging feeling that I got over the pain, and struggles too fast. Not sure why I worry about this so much of late. But I do.

But overall the day was fun and we got some things done.

I am looking to a good day tomorrow and I appreciate you checking in Vanilla.