I'm not sure how exactly you think I should have exposed it, or who to...Most of our family and friends knew, but OW lived in another state.
Exposure is just one piece of crushing affairs. It's a multi-phase approach and there are no rules. You get it killed as quickly as possible and then either work through it or divorce. It's impossible to work on a marriage if there are more than two people in it.
Honestly, in your case, however, I think the way he interacted with his ex, and now you, are a good indicator of a major character flaw with him. It seems he's repeating unhealthy and cruel patterns.
Out of curiosity, did you and he meet before he was divorced from his ex?
