Wiley, you are so very insightful. Thanks for stopping by and giving your valued and respected point of view.
Quote: Can you honestly say you would have pursued him that hard, if you knew he was just out there "working on himself".. and NOT SEEING SOMEONE ELSE??
Nope, not when it was a game. It was simply a matter of "he's mine and I'll prove it to you".
you really have a good memory...
Quote: because a WAS will not PURSUE reconciliation UNTIL they are ready, and that usually coincides with you letting go, stopping the chase, and being confident enough to say what you did way back when.."Let me know when you have things worked out with your present situation"..or something like that if I recollect correctly..
That statement did get the ball moving a bit faster didn't it? Boy, I really took a chance making that statement.
Thanks for putting this down, We all need a reminder that our efforts are not waisted, and that Patence and faith are wonderful things to have!
Well, thats often the kind of foundation that must be laid if there is any hope of garnering some interest in renewing an R that appeared to be DONE..The strong ones, make the tough love sacrifices involved in cutting the lines, and stay consistent..even if it appears as though its not producing anything..In the long run it will, because we are all to some extent curious when something we had, just kinda drifts off into the sunset, quietly without a fuss...and we then ACT on that curiosity, and all it takes is that one phone call INITIATED BY THE XWAH/W when you least expect it, to perhaps get the ball rolling again..
You have a wonderful weekend as well. I will do just that and drink a couple of strawberry margaritas and toast to the accomplishments my friends here have made this week. Hugs and Prayers are always with you.
Halo
Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect.
It means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections.
Charles, You are right both have to be open, and this is a great point...
Quote: It is always easier to blame than to look at oneself. Most take the easy road.
I think it is really sad that we, as human beings, are more concerned about what society thinks (worried about being humiliated) and what is socially acceptable than what WE think (deep down inside) and going after what we want, folowing our hearts and feelings. I say we make a stand! Charles, thanks for giving your view, It is appreciated and always helps to hear anothers side.
XOXO,
Halo
Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect.
It means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections.
Quote: Is the Ow that H bought the house with, the same Ow he had when you guys were initially separating. How long were you with OM after the separation/divorce?
Nitaf
Yes, this is the same Ow as when we separated three years ago. Xh and I separated in March and by Decemeber my R with OM was over. It was relatively easy for me to end my R with OM (this time) because when your life flashes in front of your eyes as mine did it does not seem so glamerous. Long story short, OM and I went out (like always) came back to my place and he confused me with a rag doll or a punching bag. Needless to say I faught him off of me, called the police, filed assault charges on him, the courts informed him he could not come within 500 feet of me, and have not talked to him since.
On a brighter note XSIL had a baby yesterday ITS A BOY, 7lbs 14.5oz, 19 1/4 in long, light brown hair, he has not allowed anyone to see his eyes yet. You should have seen the look on Xh face, when he saw the baby, and held him. Seeing Xh hold our new nephew really gave me Baby fever! when Xh held the baby he did not look stressed, He looked so happy. Boy I have not seen that look on his face in a while. When we were leaving the hospital in the elevator ( I know probably not the best time to bring it up) I asked him if everything was okay, said that we have not really talked for the past week. He said "yeah, just stressed out about the house stuff". I told him that I was there for him, I know you are dealing with a difficult time and you are not trying to make me feel like this but I feel like you is pushing me away and putting up a wall between us, I am here for you, there is nothing I can do to "fix" this situation but I want you to know you do not have to go through this alone. He then tells me that its his problem and he does not want to bring me into it, I dont want to worry you with it. I then tell him that It is worrying me because I see he is worried, and that we are a team, we do not have to go through anything good or bad alone. I know parts of this in not in the Db'ing handbook but it is how I feel. Did I do too bad?
Will journal later.
Thanks,
Halo
Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect.
It means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections.
Look out for the man retreating to his cave! Sometimes men want to have some space to figure out problem-solving by themselves. It's the old "Map? I don't need a map! I know where I'm going!" syndrome.
I'm sure he appreciates your offer to help but the key is not to appear to be pushing too hard (like reminding him that you are a "team" and making him feel guilty because of the walls being raised). That could, in and of itself, build a bigger wall around the "cave." Sometimes guys can be stubborn and they want to do things on their own. It's important for women to find the proper balance between being involved and being viewed (correctly or incorrectly) as nagging.
You offered to help. Leave it at that. I don't think this is bad unless it becomes a constant habit. Then, it could sour things up.
Charles, thanks for your opinion. I will try to remember not to "nag" too much. I am reading a book called Mars and Venus together forever and it has given me a lot of insight into men but your view does help a lot. The last thing I wanted to do was to "nag" (this is basicially what our M was before our sepatarion) I did tell him I was there and you are right I should leave it at this. Thank you so much for reminding me that I need to be his friend, say as little (which actually means so much) as possible about this situation. I want to be as supportive as possible, but I dont want to be blind sided by fear. I have to admit that I am worried about him, I am worried about how this situation is going to effefct "US", and the worse case senario still pops into my head from time to time. I am trying to give him his "cave" time but I did not expect it to last so long. He is a wonderful man and when we are together he makes me feel so special but when we are apart I worry about what could be. I know this is not the right way to look at things but I still worry. I know this man loves me, I feel in my heart that we are going to spend forever together but it does not keep me from thinking she (Ow) is going to do everything in her power to make sure this does not happen. Is there a magic spell to wart off unwanted people? hee hee hee Just when you think life is going your way, you get a monkey wrench in it to give you a reality check. Silly I know. I went to see my new nephew today, he is still the second most beatuiful baby I have ever seen (my 1st nephew, HUNTER, being the first). I swear my XSIL went from a little girl to a mom in two seconds flat. It was neat looking at her this way. My XSIL's H's mom asked how I was related to her and I was at a loss for words ( I know strange for me), I looked at XSIL and she said I was her SIL, Drew's aunt. This made me so proud. I love Xh's family, his mom and I are getting along like we are best friends. I believe XSIL is happy to have me as a part of her sons life. I have spoiled him already. hee hee hee. The feelings of wanting to have children of "our" own is getting stronger and stronger. Thanks to all that support me and are in my corner rooting for me. love ya,
Halo
Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect.
It means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections.
halo, concentrate on the joys you have in life, like your nephew, and don't try to predict the future. Assumptions and predictions can be of your own doing. That's what Michele talks about in her book when she relates the story about coming home from a trip and expecting a less than pleasant husband at the airport. Shge changed her attitude and created the situation that was pleasant, instead of accepting the false assumption that things wouldn't go well.
Live day to day. Yes, you have valid concerns about the future and how things are going but are things so dire that everything around you may collapse? Enjoy what you have. Thank God for the blessings you received. You can work with your husband without being directly involved.
Being supportive of him can go a long way and, eventually, he will let you more and more into the cave.
Slowly 