Hi DFP I hope it's ok to chime in. Re the IC , maybe it's the wrong IC for you or maybe your not taking the info in
I definitely appreciate you chiming in, every little bit helps.
I think part of the reason my IC isn't that effective is because of all the reading I do, and the support I have gotten from this forum.
The kids were telling me tonight that xW bought a camper. She has money now that I wrote her a 32k check. Irresponsible, you'd think she'd want to use as much as possible for a down payment for a house.
This reminded me of something IC said, I told IC that xW told my mom that she did all the things that "I" wanted to do. Ironic, she is still doing all the exact same things. IC said that xW is trying to prove that she can do all those things without me. But proving it to who? To herself? The kids? I seriously think she is trying to prove it to me? I know I consider doing a lot of things specifically to prove to xW I can get by without her.
I am actually feeling bad for her again. This whole thing has been about xW's weakness. She stated before she left that she couldn't stand up for herself. I always encouraged her to, both to me and others, but when she tried it came across as extremely childish with things like exaggerated mimicking. I would tell her it was childish, I believe now she backed down because she didn't know how else to stand up for herself.
The OFP, she told my mom was to protect herself from giving in if I tried to convince her to come back. She used it as a way to get the power back, take control, whatever you want to call it. IMO hiding behind an OFP isn't showing power or control.
She said in the OFP she was concerned that when I lost control over her that I would go crazy. I never went looking for her, I never threatened, nothing. It wasn't easy! She voiced a concern I would hurt the pets, which was ridiculous, I spent more time with them than her. I wonder if the advocates fed her that part too?
I wonder, did her victim mentality cause her to think that I was having her followed? Made her think that I needed to be punished?
I agreed to the OFP, without a fight. I allowed her the freedom she wanted. After 2 months I had enough and had D papers sent to her. She called my mom all upset, she thought I wanted to reconcile? The only sense I can make of it, she honestly thought I needed a punishment? Or that it was a test to see if I would allow her to do her thing without trying to control her? By pursuing D I proved to her (in her opinion) that I couldn't handle it?
After that I offered MC again, waited another 2 months. She declined, didn't want to be manipulated at MC, I guess.
