I suggest if you're not going to push back on your WW about taking the kids on her weekend you at least change the dynamic. Maybe you should instead pre-empt the request by asking to have them before she gets a chance. That way it is your wanting them instead of her using you. It's a big difference. And absolutely don't give her the impression you are doing her favors. You have things you want to do with the kids instead.
I have seen many her languish for many months by not heading sandi's advice when it comes to WW. I hope you are aware of that risk.
Me:49 W:45 M:19 T:22 EA confirmed and ended 8/2014 S:19,17 D:9,5
yes, i need to change the dynamic somehow. it seems over the last few weeks, that, i grow distant, she will then reach out to me. everything looks like it is going well, i grow stupid, she starts using me, she gets cold feet and turns and runs. then we start over.
so here is some food for thought. its my weekend. i have the kids. she asked today if she could have them for a few hours. we ended up talking for awhile, and she says that if i would stop being so distant from her when things get sloppy, that she would put more effort into our relationship. but that seeing me "run away" time and time again, instead of speaking my feelings is turning her off.
so, i told her my feelings. and now she is much more accepting of us having a relationship. a for real relationship.
i suggested, and we agreed, to take it super slow. to just be nice to each other. and let it grow from here. i almost thought she was going to hug me. i validated the crap out of her. but i also spoke my peace, but not in a mean way. just honesty from both of us.
it seems our fights are productive now. not toxic. where to go from he now is the question. it seems, that i closeness is getting closer, and our off times are getting shorter and less dramatic.
yes, you are being inconsistent. when you pull back stay that way until she shows remorse for her actions. Go slow, she may just be keeping you on the rope for plan B. Hope for the best but plan for the worst. Be consistent.
Me:49 W:45 M:19 T:22 EA confirmed and ended 8/2014 S:19,17 D:9,5
Keep in mind that it is your W who needs to give you a reason to take her back not the other way around. You are letting her control you and put the blame on you. Don't fall for that. You may have issues to fix on your side but you didn't have an A. Fix your issues but don't take responsibility for her actions. When you get a backbone she will respect you, and not until then.
Me:49 W:45 M:19 T:22 EA confirmed and ended 8/2014 S:19,17 D:9,5
yesterday she asked if she could come over to discuss this coming weekend. i denied her first request, due to me being to busy. a little later she makes a second request for later in the evening. and i accept. we discuss weekend child care, etc. and then she asks, what are you doing friday night. i tell her what im doing ( jiu jitsu from 530-7. she says, well, after that do you wanna come with me and the kids to a festival (carnival, fair) what ever you guys call it in your own area. i accept the invite. she then says, im not ready for a relationship yet, i still need to get OM out of my head a little more before i can commit.
ok, what ever
then tonight, i come home from jiu jitsu (see a pattern here) and there is a grocery bag hanging on the door handle to my apartment, filled with containers of food with a note that says enjoy, with her nickname on it.
she knows that i get home at 815 from class. im waiting until at least 915 to send her a thank you text. which will probably spark a conversation.
this is a first for this type of behavior. we only live one mile apart. but dang. to ask for a (totally non committal non date , date ) followed with food......
