Sandy, CWOL, Sotto, and V, Thanks for your replies. I have not been back for some time - only dropping in very briefly, not sure what to say. I have been out of touch with the DB community. Sorry for this and for not keeping track of what my fellow DBer's are doing. I have been absorbed in other aspects of my life including my children, and my work, some GAL. I am still doing some GAL stuff, but I could definitely do better. I don't feel like I am in a very good place right now.
I am still in the midst of in-house separation. As I mentioned, about 6 weeks ago W expressed willingness to go back to the negotiating table. I was optimistic until we had our conferences with our Ls present. I don't feel we have made any progress towards D and I am still in purgatory. W is still trying to devalue the house as much as possible so she can buy me out, essentially for free. She paid her Ls bill with our home equity loan, lowering the equity in the house. She has produced a fraudulent mortgage that she alleges I signed and notarized, saying that I owe her Father tens of thousands of dollars. She had an appraiser appraise the house at tens of thousands of dollars less than my appraiser. W still has no interest in working because she maintains that summer child care costs would be more than any salary she would make. She is asking for alimony and child support that is approximately equal to my take-home pay. She wants a new minivan because she feels the van is in poor condition.
I would be willing to compromise, but giving in to her demands would leave me with no money for me. I need some money to provide a nice home for my children while they are with me.
OM had his L call my L and accuse me of stalking him. Luckily so far nothing has come of this. But I get a sense that he is trying to entrap me. He pulled up next to me on the highway a few weeks ago.
I just don't see a solution to this impass. I am unhappy. I am seeing a new therapist, but they all seem the same to me. I still don't see an end in sight and I am getting despondent over this. I am trying to stay above water by remembering all the things for which I am grateful, but I just don't have the enthusiasm right now and even this is not cheering me up as it had in the past. I just had a birthday and it was spent at a friends house watching the basketball game. Lame. A lot of people have voiced support for me. Some have even intimated that they have potential dates for me (for after the D, of course), but I feel so lonely. I have no intimacy in my life. Friends are absorbed in their own life. Even though they offer to help, when it comes down to it, nobody really does all that much. They are not obligated to, I know.
I know I can control my feelings and if I am feeling this way it is because I am somehow feeding into it. I know there are people who would kill to have my problems and that I should not whine, but just work on myself instead.
I hate in-house separation. My L repeatedly has counselled me to remain in the house.
not really rising above it right now, am I? If I could step outside myself right now, I would give myself a swift kick in the arse and tell myself to snap out of it and stop feeling sorry for myself. Maybe I should change my handle to WhineyOne.
RAI
P.S. The above was a rant. It was me baring my raw emotions. Take it for what it is worth.
