Back from my long weekend, recharged my batteries. I thought it would be difficult to be alone in OUR city, our favourite places... but it was fine. Went out with friends, enjoyed just me time. Missed my kids but not my h much. I think I reached the right level of detachment (my down day last week must have been just one of those days that passed quickly). Hope it will last for some time.
I feel sorry for him but I know I cannot help him. When we interact he just uses it to score points or twists everything around. Or just says some things completely off. Every time he shows some emotion or when we have fun the 4 of us, he retracts. Since I'm much better he is angry. It's better not to see him. He said we should go to another therapist. I told him I have an individual appointment with a new one on Monday & that if he wants he can join. Never replied to that. I'm not going to ask. I'm fine if he doesn't go.
I'd like to know how he felt when he spent several days with the kids in our house. To be back home but not really back, to have to leave after several days... Not sure he is capable of such emotions though. Well, since I'll never ask I will never know... One small change happened though, in the passed few weeks he avoided to use the word "home" when referring to our house. Before he was telling me "I'm home cooking for the kids" or "I'm home with the kids"... Before my weekend away he said "I'm with the kids". Yesterday he said he was "home". I know, I know, I shouldn't read much into it.
The kids usually go to my parents for 10-14 days in July. The weekend when they are with my parents we always used to go somewhere just the two of us. Yesterday I thought about it and decided to buy a plane ticket just for myself. So, looks like another "me" weekend ahead of me. We are still planning the 3.5 weeks trip during the summer. Everyone tells me I should cancel or take my sister instead. I don't know, it was our dream trip, kids all excited... Still have few weeks to think about it.
