Lost in Fangorn Forest

[Zues126]

Thank you all for the replies. What a great community. It always blows me away.

In regards to after school programs for me kids, it's not a bad idea. I'll see how things develop over the summer and that is a good resource to look into. Thanks for the idea.

Wonka, I did look into some coding camps. There is one I would like to send S12 to. I did some homework and just sent the email to XW to see if she'd be onboard. This is a BIG switch as in the past she has always unilaterally set up the kids' summer activities. But the parental agreement says we are to make the decisions jointly, and she even mentioned she didn't know what to do with S12 and was open to any ideas I had. We'll see how she replies. In the past I'd say she would be 100% to shoot down ANY suggestion of mine on the parenting front (this is NOT an exaggeration, I truly mean 100% until I gave up trying to offer any parental opinions, which I regret as I shouldn't been much more assertive and put my foot down when needed). But now if she wants to be cooperative co-parents maybe she'll respond differently, particularly since I'll also have veto power on whatever activities she lines up with Ds 5 & 9.

Either way it's exhausting to have to pass everything through congress this way, and be strategic about it. But to repeat "divorce is ghastly" again and again doesn't help, you all know I think it's criminal and destructive beyond measure. So I'll just keep shrugging it off as it's not my decision.

Ginger, thanks for the courage to post on my thread. You're always welcome. I do regard the general population as 'good' people. I just disagree with the majorities values. Like if we time traveled back to the 1700s, most people that could afford it had slaves and had no problem with that. They were still all people, with good hearts, that worked hard, raised families, and shared the human experience. But that doesn't change the fact that I think slavery is atrocious, and the practice of breaking up families to make money on a sale of a human makes me shudder.

So let me ask. If you were in the 1700s and the majority of people felt slavery was normal and acceptable, would you just say 'well, this is what we believe in our society, I may not disagree but who am I to judge'? Would you go to dinner with people that had slaves serving food to you and just shrug because they're good people? Or would it be so appalling to you that you'd take a stance against it, and let your stance be known, to cast what little bit of influence you had against this practice?

I do think the people in the world today are all good people, I just happen to view divorce as the biggest social plague in our culture. I want nothing to do with it, I want nothing to do with those who are ok with it. And while I'm not picketing at the courthouse, I will definitely use my influence with my children, friends, and family to speak out against this practice where I can.

So that is where I stand. I do feel I am judging the behavior, not the people. But also, from a practical sense, it does discourage me from opening the door to other people in my lives. As I've said, this is just a math thing. If statistics bear true that any future relationship I have is extremely likely to end in divorce or betrayal, do I want to play? Maybe I will at some point, but right now it looks grotesque.

I think an interesting question for the DB members is this: If you KNEW 100% that your next marriage would end in betrayal and another divorce, but that you'd have a honeymoon period and some companionship for 3-15 years...would you sign up for that relationship?

I think most people would because they convince themselves they'll be the exception to the rule, but really they just want what's available so take what you can get even if it's moldy food.

Not for me.

Now, I get that there are no guarantees. But I'd have to have really good reason to believe that my partner was as committed as I was. And while there are indubitably people with similar beliefs, we are in a society where I'm in the minority, and those beliefs can't always be revealed without trial as most people claim to share a commitment to marriage they don't back up.

So no guarantee, understood, vast underdog and near assurance of betrayal, no thanks. Not saying that has to be the case for everyone else, but this is a pretty good picture of how I feel about it.

Thanks again for posting and for the props on being a dad. After years of thinking I was garbage it's nice to know I'm making a difference for my kids. Such good things! They had a stir fry the other day, with rice and broccoli and carrots and grilled chicken! A year ago it was Burger King and Pizza and boxes of sugary cereal. Seriously cool! Not to mention all the other good things going on

Sunny - There is zero chance I would ever be able to be your facebook friend.

Hello Ciluzen, Juju, V, and the gang. Appreciate you all and talk soon!