Still here and need support

[rich4j]

rich4j:the conversation with d7 was one of the hardest things I've had to do in my life. I did tell her it was not my choice and that WAW's choice to move out. As recommended, I watched MWD video on how to present to kids. I was very fearful in the weeks leading up to the talk, but it was not near as bad as I anticipated. I hope this helps.
My next goal will be to get through WAW moving out this weekend.
hugs to all

Thanks P. I reviewed the video and also talked to my therapist. It is a hard decision and we originally started to do co -parenting discussions with a therapist but those broke down as she turned them into a blame session. My therapist recommended telling my D together and not blaming either. My sitch is a bit different as I have suspected an EA/PA from early on but couldn't prove it and she denied. I also believe she did have an EA until she filed and then it became a PA and now may have fizzled...not sure but don't care. She won't admit it and this has delayed and hurt my finalizing an agreement to separate.....denial denial denial

Either way, I am in a delicate position as the final D will take months and I need her to be not a nut as she is now. So it may be the "we" are divorcing versus your crazy mom doesn't love me anymore discussion. But that may come later after I move :-)

In terms of your move, are you taking D7 out of the current school district? If it helps at all, I have been in the same conundrum for 4 months. Looking for a new place stinks....but for the normalcy "WE" decided my STBX would stay in the house for now and I found a new place very close by. I wanted to keep her in the same school as this will be hard enough on her.

WAW moving out will be tough...it will feel and look a bit emptier in your place but try to look at it as a cleansing and the chance to start fresh. It's ok to let yourself be sad about it as it won't be easy. I dread moving out and having her stay in the house but don't let her fool you...I bet it will be hard on her too. Hang in there....better days are coming.

[poschan]

Thanks Rich4j. she has been in private school and we are going to try and keep her there. this home is really too big for just me and d7, but it would be a great investment if I could hang onto it. I have a bunch of projects to start once she's out so that will keep me busy and going to look at some local meet up groups to get out of the house.

[poschan]

Why is it so easy for these WAWs/WAHs to walk away and destroy a family? Lack of character, lack of morals, lack of feeling...
I just don't get how someone can walk away from a family with young children and think that is in their best interests. Well, I just signed up for some meetup groups and I must say its exciting to see all of the opportunities. Can't wait to try one.

[rich4j]

Why is it so easy for these WAWs/WAHs to walk away and destroy a family? Lack of character, lack of morals, lack of feeling...
I just don't get how someone can walk away from a family with young children and think that is in their best interests.

It is baffling isn't it? Problem is they don't care as the selfishness rules. So everyone's sitch is different but it seems the pattern is one of no guilt, no remorse, and focus on self.

My STBX comes from a messed up family of divorce and seems to think everything will be fine...it was for "me". But that is the problem...she has always been messed up and part of the reason our marriage and all her relationships didn't work

Also if your WAW has friends who have been divorced and talk in her ear about "kids are resilient", "it will only be rough for a few months", "you deserve to be happier"....then...its a recipe for disaster. It is why many folks who divorce after 12-24 months wish they gave it more of a fight....proven factoid.

But for many who were the hurt ones that it 12-24months too late.

I would have done most anything to try to save our relationship but not when I am not 100% to blame and she won't take any ownership to help fix things.

[RSG]

Why is it so easy for these WAWs/WAHs to walk away and destroy a family? Lack of character, lack of morals, lack of feeling...
I just don't get how someone can walk away from a family with young children and think that is in their best interests.

You speak the truth brother. Heartless and gutless. Completely delusional and refuse to take responsibility for their actions.

[poschan]

Got out and GAL today as movers were going to be here today. GALwas good and had dinner before coming home. House is pretty empty as WAWtook alot of stuff which is ok. First night in home without d7 and WAW. Brought in pup to have company.
Last night I was out in the rain letting pup out before bed and d7 called out and asked if she could come out. I told her to grab her umbrella and we took a short walk in the rain and lightning flashes. D7caught a lightning bug and it rode her arm most of the way as we walked and talked. I now know what SH meant by quality time and I was truly present in the moment. I told d7 she could tell me anything and she would not hurt my feelings and that I love her.
Had a goodnight call with d7 and the tears came but I sounded composed. I pray that she is safe as I cannot protect her when she isn't here.

[SH_]

poschan

So glad to hear about your quality time with d7. I can tell you from my experience, that you will truely find joy like you have never felt in your time with her moving forward.

Know that your love and all that you do when you are with her provide protection for her when you are not with her. You will see that she will make truly amazing decisions that will keep her safe based on what she learns from you. Your love for her is more powerful than you know and that is what can provide you comfort and peace until she joins you again.

Keep your head up, your mind busy and placing one foot in front of the other. You are making good progress and will gain strength each day.

Sleep well tonight poschan.

[poschan]

D7 is on the phone away from WAW and crying her poor little heart out. It kills me that she is so much pain. Cruel to say the least. My poor little sweet girl. Its killing me. She asking her why she had to move over and over. She tells her she wants us all together. "why can't you just come home?"
I can only really say that WAW has soulsucked me and now breaking a little girls heart. So selfish, d7doesnot deserve this. This will result in anger.man oh man

[SH_]

My heart breaks for you and d7. I know first hand the pain and anger you are experiencing.

Comfort her. Keep your anger at bay when speaking with her. She needs your stability and love.

I have been told and now I am seeing it first hand, children know who the stable parent it. Be that for her in spite of the horrible situation.

Be strong poschan I know it hurts. You will prevail as you continue your path.

[poschan]

Thanks SH.