So I just got a text from my wife after pretty much no contact. It says "I suppose I can try marriage counseling if you want to".
ShawnJ, allow me to speak from experience.
My W has major depression and anxiety. Has not been medicated for about 6 months or so. The illnesses are different, yes. Bottom line is, and I'm sure you know this...when people with illnesses like this have no regulation to this (diet, exercise, medication, etc.), it's hard for them to be in a clear headspace. I think this may be a huge contribution to my issue. I can see a similarity in your a little. We had tried therapy. We went to one session. Come to find out, she only went because I wanted to. She already made up her mind.
I guess my point is: she has to want to go because shewants to save this relationship. Again, just from experience, this will not work. I truly hope it does for you. But again, without that personal drive from her, it may wind up being a waste of time.
Be very cautious in how you proceed. Is this the first time she has mentioned MC?
You are at a very fragile point in this relationship and it would be extremely helpful to know what your next move should be. Feel free to give me a call at 303-444-7004 to discuss how we can best help you determine what to do next.
Cristy Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004
A Divorce Busting Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.
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I had been pretty detached from her for the past couple weeks so I was surprised when she texted me about marriage counseling. Because, if I know her like I think I do, it means that she is starting to have second thoughts about leaving. She seems to be contacting me more since I started to detach and live my own life.
I kind of abandoned my last post a couple weeks ago because no one was responding to it. Here is what's going on : My wife walked out three months ago with our 2 year old son. We had been having problems for, she says, about two years. I went through a lot of emotional problems and depression, treated her poorly, and was pretty absent emotionally. Throughout the separation, she has gone back and forth between speaking to me and not speaking to me (unless it has to do with our son). A couple weeks ago she said she would consider going to marriage counseling (she brought it up). Then, I had a freak-out and fight over the phone with my ex wife (note :my wife lives with my ex-wife. They are best friends. I was the one who introduced them). I basically felt like my ex-wife was trying to keep my wife from me because she would guilt trip her every time she said she was thinking about working on things with me. So, after the fight with my ex-wife, my wife stopped talking to me again. Then started again, very casually. When I pick my son up from her in the mornings to take him to school, she seems very distant and very casual - almost how you would talk to a casual friend or acquaintance. When I told her I was confused about her not touching me for two weeks, not even a hug, not really being interested or seeming to care anymore, she just said to stop being that way and "we will talk tomorrow", "everything is fine" etc. etc. Well, I ended up pushing her too far I'm afraid. I basically told her I couldn't do this anymore and that I can't do anything if she isn't communicating with me and I can't fix the marriage if she isn't willing to try etc. etc. Then she blows up at me : "I don't miss you. I don't love you. You need to accept it. You are in denial. I want a divorce. Please don't contest it." etc. etc. So that's where I am now. And I need advice. What should I be doing right now?
Shawn - The best way to get more people to post is 1) you to keep posting on your thread. 2) post on other threads...even if it is just for support.
Originally Posted By: ShawnJ
I basically told her I couldn't do this anymore and that I can't do anything if she isn't communicating with me and I can't fix the marriage if she isn't willing to try
So have you read either of the books? Judging by these comments, Id wager "no". Id start by reading those. Then read the homework in Cadet's links in your first thread.
Some bullet points: - in your wife's eyes there is no marriage anymore. So there is nothing for either of you to work on. -Stop trying to do things for your marriage. Focus on you. How can you be the best version of ShawnJ? - Stop pursuing your wife. Stop asking these kinds of questions. She's not your wife anymore. Think of her like you want a friendly neighbor. - Stop harassing your ex-wife. She's your W's friend. You cant control what she says and to whom anymore.
I kind of abandoned my last post a couple weeks ago because no one was responding to it.
Actually I have merged it back in with your original thread as it really is the best policy to continue one thread until 100 posts and then start a new thread.
Later when you go back to read your own story it will be easier to follow and for those giving you advice we can see everything a lot easier.
There are some tips posted to the top of the board on how to get more people to post on your thread. They kind of go along with what darknes said above.
Best way to get more posts is to POST.
Originally Posted By: ShawnJ
I basically told her I couldn't do this anymore and that I can't do anything if she isn't communicating with me and I can't fix the marriage if she isn't willing to try etc. etc. Then she blows up at me : "I don't miss you. I don't love you. You need to accept it. You are in denial. I want a divorce. Please don't contest it." etc. etc. So that's where I am now. And I need advice. What should I be doing right now?
The bolded part above is true.
YOU can not FIX this. So the best thing for you to do right now is tell her I agree and then STFU.
Are you still in the process of starting a new job? What are you doing for yourself to make yourself a better person? Have you started any new hobbies or activities to keep yourself busy?
I am in the middle of a crazy job hunt right now. I quit my last job about a year and a half ago to be a stay-at-home dad. I am trying to get back into the workforce. I worked as a security officer for nine years and now I can't find a job. And I am having a hard time getting a different job outside of security because they tell me I am overqualified. I have taken up a new hobby. I have become an avid hiker. I haven't really spoken to her since she said she was going to file for divorce the day before yesterday. I did, however, send her a very nice goodbye e-mail wishing her well.
So the big question remains - how do I get her back? That's the point of all this, right? Busting divorce? We have a 2 year old son. I want my family back together. What should I be doing? I'm guessing I should be limiting contact with her and only talking about our son? What are the chances that will make her forget me even more?
