QUESTION: Should I help her move? Or just make myself scarce? I was thinking about helping move OUT, asking for her key when we are done, and staying back and not helping move IN to the new condo.
DigIt,
My opinion is that helping your wife move or not helping her move doesn't really make much difference. Certainly, if you made a commitment to helping her, then you should help her.
I'm not a DB veteran, so I may have this wrong, but I think the important thing for your wife to understand is that you're not Plan B. And, I think not being Plan B is very similar to detaching; everyone says they're detaching, but it seems few actually do it.
Commitment>? Like the marriage one she is disregarding?
Like many things.... its not about punishment, its finding indifference and focusing on yourself. Moving her out is only allowing her to cake eat ... whats next, "Honey set up my TV and internet so when OM is here we can snuggle on the family couch I took and watch Netflix"?
Point is, the WAS makes choices, along with these choices consequences follow, during the fog these are most felt by the LBS as we are typically blind sided ... at some point the WAS has to feel their share .... hence the banging of the GaL/180/PMA drums that are pounded ... when we find our happy place and start enjoying our life they look towards us and think "Wait .. whats going on .. how can they be this happy I am not in their life?"
Helping them with their choices of leaving the home, having an A, all that is only feeding them cake IMHO ... I would opt to plan a 'me' day as she moves herself out if that's what she wanted to do. In fact I did just this, she in fact hired movers. To this day not once did I hear "You didn't even hep me move out",.... if in your head somewhere you are thinking its the nice thing to do ... she will see what a great guy you are ... don't ... it doesn't work that way.
