WHs do come back--Piecing--

[Coconut]

It's simply a choice to wake up every day and think "I don't need you, but I want you." For me, I want my family intact, I want financial security, I want to raise my kids with someone that loves them as much as I do, I want to have history with someone, I want to know that I tried everything I could.

So to my point. Blu, this hits the nail right on the head and is the missing piece in far to many relationships IMHO.
"I don't need you, but I want you."
How many are struggling in this community because they NEED their spouse.
This is obvious in the postings, because in one sentence the LBS is talking about all the things they need from the WAS/WW, then in the next sentence, the comments are all about the person that they can not believe the WAS/WW has become and they do not like nor want to be with that person.

I'd like to add to this "I want you, I don't need you" thought... I was never able to detach from my WW, so when she came around and I got "her" back, I started having a lot of anger build up. I think a big part of that is because I "Needed" my W back, but who I got back was not my W, at least not the W I needed. I got back my W who had an affair.

In the beginning stages, the person that we naturally want to chase and save from ruining our M is the W we know, but upon Bomb Drop, that person is gone. I see a future with my W, but not the same future I saw before bomb drop, I now have to consciously decide that I want the future with the W I have now.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that even though my WW came back to me, the W that I "needed" no longer exists, and had I been able to detach I don't think that realization would have had such an impact on me.