Working on me and letting it play out

[cbtdad]

I got back in town last night. I was walking through garage and noticed my W had a bag in her car. Like an overnight bag.
Normally I would have immediately jumped to conclusions and ran upstairs and grilled her about what the hell does she have a bag in her car for?
But I'm learning patience and how to collect my thoughts before reacting, so I did not do that. I finishing preparing dinner and the two of us ate outside on the patio. I then brought it up to her and just asked if she stayed the night at a friends or something. She just said no. I then said just seemed weird that you had your bag in your car.
Anyways about an hour later I told her sorry for even questioning it. She said she was planning on going running after work and if I wanted to go look in the bag I would find running clothes and running shoes. She said she didn't answer me earlier because she was going to just let me stir around in my head and get all worked up to whatever I was thinking. That's her way of testing me. She wanted to see if I was going to react like I use to.
I told her I didn't need to check the bag and I believed her.

It did feel good to see that, no over react, not go into the car and check the bag. All things I would have definitely done before. It also felt good to know that she is testing me and that Im doing better and not going back to my old ways.

Having said all that. These are positives. But I still for like we are very much disconnected. We are getting along great and do a lot of things together. But in the end I feel like I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. There is no romance at all and its something I'm not pushing. But I just feel like at some point soon I am going to get the "I've tried, but I just don't love you like that anymore" speech.
I'm very having to do what I am doing for me and I feel like I am making progress. But I so miss that physical touch and connection with my W
But I am reading a book about verbal abuse and I know I am having to do what I am doing just to have shot at saving my marriage. If I don't save my marriage I am certainly going to save myself. And for that I am grateful