I just booked my next holiday with the kids, 2 and a half weeks back home in Ireland. Most of it will be at our family bungalow where I don't have any phone coverage or Internet. It will be the longest period W will not get to see or speak to the kids. Not sure if she will realize that and it's not something I am trying to create, just the nature of where the bungalow is. Looking forward to seeing my cousins and have my kids meet their kids for the first time.
So S7 was asking more questions last night about girls I was talking to... When I asked why he wanted to know so much, he answered that he wanted to tell mummy! He said he would forget in a couple of days anyway. When I asked him why he remembered to ask about the cat, he said it was only one day from when W asked him to find out...
What has surprised me is how important it seems to be to S7. He has never questioned me like this before. Especially when I wouldn't give home am answer of where the girl lived. The insistent repeating of questions, he was almost getting upset that I wouldn't give him the answer. I just diverted the topic in the end.
This has come after I was on my own for a week and when she had asked about something, I had told her I was out Saturday and Sunday and not sure when I would be back. She did something similar a couple of weeks ago when I said I was out and couldn't come by, then got 3 texts that evening that I didn't respond to.
So newest development. Received an email (sorry half an email) from W tonight. She informed me that she has sought professional advice and she will be as transparent as possible to hopefully save additional expenses but that she would understand if I wanted a second opinion.
I have spoken to a lawyer 5 months ago when this started so I'm curious and relaxed, waiting for what she wants to say...
Got the full email later in the evening. Nothing in it I didn't already know, even though she felt she was informing me. Haven't replied as I will check a few things first.
I was asked what the reasons for her leaving were today. I said all I had been told is that she was done, done, done. Our past had caught up with us and that she was going to have an affair and possible relationship. I have heard from others that W has talked to that it was because we were having too many arguments, grew apart, loss of connection and distant, lack of trust towards her with this work colleague.
Too many arguments- I agree with. It does take 2 and I own my part and is part of my self improvement. Grew apart- think that happens when there is involvment of a third person. Loss of connection- again like above plus stress and exhaustion on both sides during a very busy and difficult period in our life. Lack of trust- yes I did as her actions were not matching her words but also contributed by not working on myself, again part of my self improvement.
I know she has been trying with little success to gather info on me, especially through the kids. I have not asked her or anyone about her and what she is doing. I don't feel her new life is what she thought it would be but it is her decision. I have tried to be a light back but I think my light isn't as bright as it could be. I am really 'meh' at the moment as to if I want this back. Financially it would be better but that will get sorted in time, my kids are a big factor but it is refreshing to do what I want with them when I have them. It has been a huge weight lifted by living how I want to, I was one of the those that got to the point of just trying to do what she wanted and gave up me. I am enjoying rebuilding me and the better me that I will be.
Time will tell and I know this separation is relatively early (entering month 4, 6months from BD) if I continue to feel the same.
I just got a promotion at work, will take over the lead of our project in the next few weeks. My head is not running at full capacity yet but it was an offer I just couldn't turn down. A couple of big difference between W and me are that I will do what I say I will do and I will push myself to better myself. I was going to post to my FB friends about my work but will hold off a bit because of her email as she told me that with the amount of money I was asking for the mortgage contribution, it is unsustainable for her... There is a legal loophole here so I will have to bend slightly on this unfortunately but not by as much as she is probably going to try.
Just in case it came across as putting a lot on my W, I am aware of my other mistakes that I have made and I own every part of my 50% of this breakdown. I can have reasons for why but they don't matter, damage has been done and I have learnt much over these months by soul searching myself as deeply as I could. My counselor is proud of my changes and the work that I have done so far, and encouraging me to keep going. I have told him that I won't stop learning.
I do find the timing of this email strange, something just isn't sitting right especially given the questions I was getting from my son also this week..
Anyway, will take my time to respond.
My W has always been one to be subtle in her cries for help, often confusing too and will rarely come out direct to ask for it. It feels like one of those times....
Keep doing the right things as ownerhsip is always at least 50/50 but I think in the case of a WAW/H those tables are slightly turned in a different direction
I would expect that she blames you 75%? 100%?
My physical separation won't begin until August but I get the same questions and inquiries from my D and her when we do talk civilly...or she makes comments in the negative about me running around etc....
I do think sometimes the WAW/H thinks the other spouse will just crumble to pieces (which I have done for a bit but rebounded) and lie around in a pool of tears so that is where the DBing helps and I think wakes up the WAW/H to the "oh boy"....look at him/her doing their own thing. Only time will tell...best
_________________________ Me-48 Spouse-WAW 52 Married for 10 years D7 ILYBNILWY 7/15 Suspect EA/PA 12/15 No confirmation/denial She files 1/2016 Working towards the Big D ...still in progress....
Yes Rich, I agree that I was supposed to have crumbled and be pining for her. I actually think she expected me to pack up and go home leaving her everything.
I do read others and know how hard it is, I read how the WAW/H are often posting on FB their new life and can imagine how that is. In my case it is me doing all the posting of pictures of what I do with the kids, where I have been exploring (I make sure there are no signs of where I am). She has hardly posted anything, just from one time when she did have the car and changed her profile picture. Other than that has posted nothing of her happy new life.
I do think that she would not expect me to go some of the places I have on my own (also been careful to not indicate that I am alone but also nothing to suggest I'm with someone else). It was something I wasn't doing before, one of my big 180's.
