WAS or what (recap for me)

[roist]

Posted by Zephyr 4 may 2016

you know there will be folks here reading. it is just in newcomers there just aren't a ton of people who really understand what you are going through...so they don't post.

the ones that do keep falling by the wayside. you are doing absolutely awesome. I encourage you to read the latest posts by wonka (so glad to see her name pop up yesterday). apart fr9m a couoke if details she could have posted to you a year ago almost verbatim what she typed to coconuts. and look where you are, living that same advice every day.

you have been patient beyond words. you have been standing for something in the face of an adversity that your wife may never contemplate. sure you have cycled around from time to time...I do it all the time (yes thoughts if leaving still creep into my mind - i believe it is your protector trying to get you out of this).

if you leave though, you will not learn all of the lessons you were meant to, nor will you become the truely great man you were meant to be.

yes your wife is not there yet. she has just started to open up a bit. keep it light when you interact. ultimately you will have slip ups, reverting to old behaviors and she will notice and draw away...it is how you react the. that will matter. her walls cannot come down until she faces her reality that you are not the grumpy guss that she closed herself from. and along the way you will continue to teach her about those things you are learning (I say teach but i mean show her with Actions and not words) about compassionate and gratitude and acceptance all that stuff you've been trudging theough. I believe we have spoken about this path.

I don't know why I believe it is the RIGHT path, it just feels right and it seams like you have that same insight. keep that focus on you and what is ultimately making you happy to be alive...it shows through in every one of your interactions and she will begin to accept it or maybe she won't (although I doubt that).

wow, I am typing and i have a great smile on my face. I am talking about hope...more what is there in reality right now. yay!!!