WAS or what (recap for me)

[roist]

Posted 7 april 16

For some time now I have been wanting to sit down and really review my situation. The positives the negatives. The changes, the still the same. But I don't seem to allow myself the time to do so. Some days I don't see the point, others I think it could depress me and then there are days I want to but I don't have the time. Somehow I thought it was important to do but maybe subconsciously I don't. Strange. I'll have to explore that reasoning deeper. I am getting interested in such thought patterns, a sign I am expanding my thinking.

I am on this site a year next week. I'm working on saving my M over a year & a half. We have not been right (& sexless) for over three years. I came here after viewing Michelle's video on the WAW.

Sometimes I think there is progress albeit superficial. At times my W seems more sharing of her thoughts, seems less distant, is more open, body language less closed off. There are lots of little signs. BUT equally present are the negative signs.

I don't think she is any closer to either leaving or improving us. She is lost and her outlook on almost everything is down.LLast night I had the certitude that this is mlc. Certitude may not be the right word, as it was more a feeling than a thought. This is probably true and it scared my to think how much longer it could go on for.

The only thing that I am sure of is that this is going to last a while yet. Without this site and my cyber friends here I would have given up a long time ago. So thank ye all.

I do wonder though if my giving up is really what could turn this around. It was exactly that that helped me overcome depression and start wanting to work on my M. So I know it works. Unfortunately W wasn't DBing me!

One day it may come to that. And after that LRT. But for now there is loads of other stuff for me to do. Today I reread my threads to review the good advice I have gotten and to review my objectives. I have come a long way but I am not yet the man I want to be. I have work to do.

Recently I have done a lot of research into CBT, positive thinking, realistic thinking as well as gratitude. Powerful stuff.

Sometimes I feel I am only distracting myself by filling my head with such stuff. But I hope that this will help me going forward and the bonus is that I am not dwelling on worse stuff.

Back to gratitude. For those of you looking to self improve it is worth some research time. I avoid doing a gratitude journal but that is a personal choice.

Each night laying in bed with W, I list in my head all the positive interactions,signs and just good points about her/us. Some days are easier than others! The theory is that by focusing on gratitude/positive points, the subconscious mind will automatically search for more. With the unconscious mind we will see stuff that otherwise we would miss. But basically you should focus on what you have and not what you are missing.

Another similar concept that helps is to focus on what you want rather than on what you don't want. Again it is because the unconscious mind will seek out whatever you focus on. So work towards a better M/R rather than on away from a bad one.

I find the next generation my sons included not v grateful or appreciative for what they have. So most nights I ask my sons to tell me three things that they liked about their day.

Another idea I like is to carry a stone in your pocket and every time you see/feel it, stop to think of something you are grateful for.

OK that is the end of my lesson for today. Have a good weekend