The present, even if unromantically given was just that a gift. It was after all your anniversary and she did not all put ignore it. That is a good thing.
I remember one anniversary a couple years back where wife not only ignored it, she went out of town despite the 15 years. Yay...that was fun.
I hope you were pleasant and accepting the gift?
Do nothing is not really do nothing, you know that. Have you gone over to the Mlc forums and read some of the homework on that threead? There are tons of great resources to read (and yes I've read all the EA info I could as well). Read everything you can by job, heartsbleasing, cadet, 25mlc, wonka, Jack 3 beans, lostforwords...there are countless others.
You will see so many similarities with those threads in that forum with yours and mine. You will see how easy it is to get stuck and churn for too long. The ones who are able to get through this are the ones who embrace the challenge and start to reality get out there.
Your goals all look good. The biggest hole I have seen is you getting out and doing for roiste. Honestly it will help. I can feel the anxious and anxiety creeping back in when I get into a 'not doing enough for me' lull.
Feeling anxious and thinking you need to do aomething, that is a sign of needing to control. It is a sign that we are still too enmeshed with our spouse and too tied Up in the outcome of this journey. This is the real struggle with men like you and i, learning how to let go of it and learning to live for today.
We have planned and planned to make sure we have made a good future. We have worked out a$$es off to make sure our families are comfortable...then this whole mess hits and we have no control over it.
Honestly try to think of a day in the last year where you have not tried to figure a way for this to work out. Try to remember not thinking of how, whatever you are going todo, will affect your wife and marriage. I will bet there were a few days and on those days I would eager a handsome sum that you actually enjoyed yourself and if wife was there I would also expected that she enjoyed the time too.
She can feel the pressure. I think it was sandi who has said that the waW has a sixth sense for this...and I think it is right. It is like our sixth sense when we KNOW something is off with wife.
Again I am typing to much and need to get boys up for school.
What I am getting at with today's ramblings...you feel like you've tried everything. Have you tried to live for todsy, live for the moment ? There are tons of resources you can be reading on THAT instead of EA's. It is the one thing you can control, you and your happiness.
Stand tall, be proud of your growth and your love and dedicatuin for your family. Now look at you and actually tell yourself that YOU love YOU...no kidding, try and prove it today, really prove to yourself that it is true. One step is all it takes.
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together
