For all my fine words I'm struggling at the moment. I had to text W to try once again to get her to transfer her contribution for her son's upkeep. I was friendly and chatty, I asked her to do some paperwork for son for the holidays. She sent a couple of emails to confirm they had been done but with no comment from her. She hasn't replied about transferring money, we don't want to go lawyers so it is basically an attempt to provoke me into meeting her. The last time we crossed emails she disputed something we had already agreed on but offered to meet up in a friendly tone.I said we didn't need to and up til now she has always trusted me. Since then silence. We haven't met up since the beginning of March and have only spoken a couple of times briefly on the phone. Today she is having lunch with S but generally she hardly sees him and is frustrated that she doesn't have a R with us where she can come and go when OM is busy. I know she can be stubborn and is waiting for me to make the call to meet. The problem is that recently I find myself missing her and wanting to meet up although I know it won't do me any good. If we meet we'll get on, she'll think she still has a friend in me and back to the OM with a smile on her face. I really have no idea of her life at the moment, if she is happy or not and I try not to speculate. The good weather is coming and I'm dreading going out to the places we used to go to for fear of bumping into her with him. I suppose it will happen one day and I will just blank him. It will be the first summer without her and although I have a couple of plans there will be times when I'll be alone or just with S. I'm starting to doubt if I'll ever come through this. I've handled most situations ok but it hurts to think W can't be part of my life anymore after 25 years. I still love and feel the loss of her, but I can't be her best friend when she wants and the OM is busy. I'm busy working, have a great R with S but still have many moments where I can't see a better future.
