Thank you for all the additional info. You are in a tough spot. I truly feel you. It sounds like you have very good insight into your sitch and understandably want to protect your kids from his A. I felt the same way! Nice Guys are hard to understand because their actions do not match their words and their internal struggles are so deeply rooted. If he is to understand himself and change, he has to want that for himself--that could take awhile I'm afraid. Right now he is running to OW because she "makes" him feel good about himself.
So you are reading DB and are implementing the 180s, detachment, and GAL? What have you been doing and how has that been working?
In terms of him going to Europe and taking the kids, well I completely understand your concerns and I would have felt the same way! It is hard because in reality he can and will do what he wants tho; a big part of DB is letting the wayward go and not trying to control them. If you read my threads, you will see that I blew it all the time. However, when it comes to involving the kids, well I think there does need to be some boundaries for the kids. That is where I put DB aside and told H, no way you are ever, ever letting OW around the kids!
I think you are right to express your concerns of him taking them out of the country and exposing them to his A. The question is, what can you realistically do about that? Does he have to take them at all?
If he is taking them, how can you ensure their comfort and safety? Can you come up with some guidelines together? Perhaps he will be more respectful of them if he can see that your concern is for them and not about your feelings about his A. Either way, it is hard because there is no guarantee he will follow through and you do not trust him right now.
I am going to keep thinking about this one. I hope some of the vets will weigh in.
As you may know from your research, this process takes a long time, and so try and be patient with yourself. DB is about letting go and learning to put yourself first; hopefully over time that will attract them back. If not, your confidence will lead you to accept you deserve better.
-Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
