What Should I be doing (4)

[Coconut]

Coconut,

Now on to your gripe about needing snuggles with W. This isn't the time or place to gripe about them. Did you know that research in happy couples report that touch is the most essential bonding agent for a happy M? Those non-sexual touches are very critical to the lifeblood of a healthy marriage. Don't lose sight of this, Coconut.

Another advice you might want to really pay attention to here is this: You MUST learn to engage with W. You admitted in one of your first postings that you drifted away from W emotionally and this was backed by W in the recent text exchange (in addition to her previous comments to you).

What can you to to be:

-more thoughtful in your actions
-more loving in thought and responses
-more interested in W's day
-more involved in chit and chatting about anything

You really need to find ways to turn TOWARD W. And for gosh sakes, try to use humor or see the funny side of things for laughter is a great bonding agent too for spouses.

Go on and do this....what is the alternative, Coconut?

To add to Sandi's comment about couples therapy, I would try for a Gottman based MC therapist. You two cannot afford to go at it as DIY for Dummies....a trained MC professional is needed and necessary to get you two back on track toward a much happier and healthier M.

Hey wonka, thanks for stopping by... I definitely got lucky that she doesn't want us to end, even after I spewed my anger, she came back at the end and apologized for making me hurt... I really believe in her and us.

As for snuggling, I'm not gripping about it, I love doing it, and will always do it from this day forth. I'm just concerned that I love it so much, because if we get to a point where I don't get it, I'm afraid of how that will make me feel... I simply wish I could love it when we do it, but be ok when we don't.

As for engaging with W, I am into it. We spent 2 years not engaging with each other, but I really am very interested in her, and feel that I'm becoming a more interesting me which helps her in engaging with me. I don't play video games anymore, and I don't really watch tv much anymore, so when we are talking, I'm not distracted. Although I do give her space when I feel like she wants/needs it.

I set up one last ic session for me, I want to talk about healthy ways to deal with anger, and I'm looking for a good mc. We are both willing and wanting to seek help, but don't want it to turn out like our last MC session, it wasn't good.

Also, I ordered those two books you recommended, they'll be here tomorrow. I'll read through them this weekend but it will take her time due to all the studying she has to do..

As for us, today she posted a family pic of our first family vacation on FB, I commented on it and she replied with hearts... Sounds silly, but Facebook is her medium, and I know it means a lot that she did it.. We are in a good place today.