14 days of sheer hell, part 7

[trumpet]

I didn't want to divorce; my wife initiated. I tried hard at first to get through to her, and didn't DB well, but did enough for her to reconsider.

She eventually went with her feelings, and those who told her to chase her feelings. I was unwilling to live in an open marriage, and during the reconciliation period, in which my wife was doing NO work, and heavily into the OM, I re-started the divorce.

We're done with the D. My ex is the same as she was before - angry at me. I can't change that. I can't change her. Some days, I still want to put the anger I feel into a verbal discussion with her, and many times her verbal exchanges with me are just a way for her to start that verbal diarrhea.

I still believe in BD; I read MWD's Divorce Remedy. It was the best advice I got out of many.

In the end, DDJ will realize he needs to stop tugging on the marriage rope, and start pulling on the self-healing rope, which leads to a focus on what led him to be who he is, what he wants to be, and where he's going. Once you furl some sails, and put a little distance between the ships, the course becomes clearer, and you're not looking over your shoulder at the old course and old ship.

It doesn't mean he doesn't want the ships to meet again; in fact, that's what I'd love to see happen, in his sitch as well as mine. However, the facts are my ex-WW's heart is far gone, and her journey to find herself made her choose some very poor choices; choices that hurt the family, and her kids. She can't see that yet, as her affair with the married man is not yet over.

I'm supportive of you, DDJ. Don't treat your moving forward on the divorce as a happy time - you quoted scripture, and I applaud you for it. Just remember, He permits divorce, but He still HATES divorce. David was a man after His own heart, but David still did some pretty stupid things. David, after a time, realized what he had done, and it's effects rippled through the rest of his life. He came to his senses; I hope my ex-WW does as well. As history has shown, most do. The trouble with history is that is has a time component, and I'm looking forward to a time where my needs are met by another person. God didn't create a soulmate for me - I'm sure there's another Mrs. Trumpet out there. I just need to make sure I'm one complete, hunk of a Trumpet, so that I can make sure this thing called Divorce never, ever happens to me again.

DDJ, do what you need to do. Stay humble. Stay hopeful for a bright future, with or without your WW.