Its not too late!

[ObiWan]

reminds me of an old joke - pardon the blue nature of it -
how is Coors Light like sex in a canoe?



- both f'ing close to water

[wiley]

Hi Halo,

I am so nervous about easter with his family. My tummy has been upset for the last couple of days

I can understand the butterflies, but off the record...thats not the Halo that I think I know..The Halo that I've been posting to, the confident, fun, happy, strong, sexy, NON-WORRYING Halo, simply doesn't think twice about a family get together. Rather she sees it as a CHALLENGE that she will handle just FINE, if she sticks to what got her this far in the first place, and that has to do with having absolutely NO EXPECTATIONS of anything other than HAVING A GOOD TIME. Family will say what they are going to say, its OUT OF YOUR CONTROL. So rather than treat this like a "first time meeting", which adds undo PRESSURE.. treat it as though you've DONE IT A HUNDRED TIMES.

Here's what I would do sometime between now and Sunday: Go back and reread your ENTIRE thread in Newcomers. Then, try and go a day without talking to your XH unless HE CONTACTS you. Secondly, go out on the town one night with your gal pals, or do something you enjoy DOING BY YOURSELF. The reason I suggest this, is because I've noticed that since you came to piecing and more importantly since you have spent more and more time with your XH, you are losing touch a little with the types of things you were smart enough to do while you were seperated from him. The focus appears to be you trying to be "perfect" and not make mistakes, i.e. playing NOT TO LOSE HIM, rather than..PLAYING TO WIN HIM, kinda like what you did throughout your thread in Newcomers..

Gotta get the edge back Halo, the way to reduce the nerves, is to reduce the importance of having to have an Easter brunch go perfectly. Family will be family, they'll have their thoughts, say what they're going to say, nothing you can do about it, except ROLL with it and let it ROLL down your back, thats CONFIDENCE and thats ATTRACTIVE.

I also know that the OW's name will be brought up..

Yeah so?..Is SHE going to Easter brunch with his family or ARE YOU?..end of conversation..

Its all about letting the NATURAL you come to the forefront within the context of this new R with your XH and seeing what happens. Its good enough or it isn't, Halo KEEPS moving forward regardless of the outcome..

Go out and have a drink on me tonight..

[sad_sad_sad]

Halo:

After catching up with your thread, I just want to say how happy I am for you at these latest developments. Wiley is a wise person (brief hijack - Wiley, if you care to share your insights for my sitch, see my thread in the signature below) for his suggestions regarding your Easter gathering...the bigger we build things up, the more likely they are to come crashing down. So, play it cool as you have been and things will be fine. Of course, easier said than done.

As it is always easier to give advice than to take/follow it, there are so many positive signs that now is not the time to give in to negative thoughts. Do what got you to this point and you should continue on the path to happiness (with the occassional bump in the road).

Will be update my thread as well, so I hope to see you there.

Take care!!

[mylittlehalo]

Bill- Your post made me laugh(several times)!!! Thanks

Wiley- You are right I am not acting like myself. Have had a couple of emotional days, guess its close to that time of month.

...thats not the Halo that I think I know..The Halo that I've been posting to, the confident, fun, happy, strong, sexy, NON-WORRYING Halo, simply doesn't think twice about a family get together. Rather she sees it as a CHALLENGE that she will handle just FINE, if she sticks to what got her this far in the first place, and that has to do with having absolutely NO EXPECTATIONS of anything other than HAVING A GOOD TIME.

You are right, I am just worrying to much about the crap I have no control over. I am too strong to let this bother me!! Thanks for the whack with the 2x4, I needed it.

So what if they bring her up! XOw was then and I am now. If I can handle XH talking about XOw (in detail) then this would and should be a piece of cake. Goodness I have spent hundreds of holidays and millions of hours with these people its going to be a no brainer!! LOL

Its funny that you mention this....

because I've noticed that since you came to piecing and more importantly since you have spent more and more time with your XH, you are losing touch a little with the types of things you were smart enough to do while you were seperated from him. The focus appears to be you trying to be "perfect" and not make mistakes, i.e. playing NOT TO LOSE HIM, rather than..PLAYING TO WIN HIM, kinda like what you did throughout your thread in Newcomers..

I just had a smiilar conversation with a girfriend of mine just this afternoon. We made plans to go have a drink or 10 this evening! Believe it or not I have noticed I have been consumed in him and our R. Well not any longer!! Im getting my edge back (or at least a little of it). You know its a good idea to have them guessing and even worrying a little bit occasionally. Im going to hang up my halo for a couple of days, going to do a little detaching and I AM NOT GOING TO WORRY ABOUT WHAT COULD HAPPEN, just going to make sure I have a good time and that I am the natural me.
Look out gang: The Strong, confident, fun, sexy, spontaneous, Halo is coming back. And this time she's coming back to stay!!

I dont remember being so hormonal in the past when I was on my other maintenance medicine. I will have to look into this.

Hugs and prayers and (2x4 whacks welcome)

[mylittlehalo]

SSS- Thanks for your response and like I have said before "hi-jackers always welcome".

I am going to write this down and repeat it myself time and time again.

the bigger we build things up, the more likely they are to come crashing down.

[wiley]

Good girl Halo..get out and enjoy yourself..

Believe it or not I have noticed I have been consumed in him and our R.

Remember, you are more than just a walking relationship. When you are smart enough to not lose sight of that, the healthier the R becomes on a whole, because it is not be smothered 24/7...

[mylittlehalo]

update:
Wednesday night out with the girls was so much fun. We laughed, talked, joked, drank a few adult beverages and had a blast. The thing I love most about going out with the girls is that we can talk about all the things in our life. Major things such as "R's" and minor things like clothes and makeup.
This little halo needs a break from an exhausting weekend! I ate too much food, I really missed all the food they have at XH's family functions so I had my fill.
His family was so pleasant to me. The all told me how much they missed me and how great it was to see us back together.
I didn’t miss a beat, I took Wiley’s words to heart and had no hesitation or nervousness about being around them, I acted as thought I had done this a million times and it worked out well. It was a really great day.

His Grandmother told me that she thought about me often and she didn't like that other girl. I smiled inside!!! His grandfather died 12/02, his GMthr told me she wished Grandpa was here to see me; it would have made him so happy. His gfthr and I had a special relationship, he loved me and thought I hung the moon; I always thought he was a special man and looked up to him like he was my own gfthr.
On our way back to his house he thanked me for going with him and for being me. We had a heart to heart about his R with OW and my past R's. One thing I found odd was that he told me that he "used" Ow. He told me that he never loved her or really ever cared for her, he just knew she would always be around; he didn’t want to be alone. I validated as much as I could.
IMO I believe Xh has a low self esteem, he frequently asks me why I would be with a man like him. That I am so beautiful and why would I settle for him when I could have any man I wanted. My response to this is always the same... Thank you for the compliment, you are right, I can and that's why we are together. I then tell him he is very sexy and I am incredibly attracted to him. So is it a low self-esteem or is he just fishing for compliments? I know women do this but do men do it as well??

I tried not to give too much information about my past R's. Did not lie to him but did not give up too much info that could be harmful right now. He told me several times that he was glad we could talk about these things.
Xh stated he was kind of glad we both have places of our own vs jumping into building our R & living together at the same time. He is as pleased as I am about the opportunity we have to take our time and get to know eachother again. We both agreed it also sucks but for the most part its a good thing. He told me that he misses me when we are not together. Hurray!!!
I NEVER ask questions about Ow! He tells me more than I need to know. She is planning on moving with her new fiance when he gets home from Iraq in September. I guess this means she is going to get on the ball with helping to fix up their house & yard so they can sell it quickly.

No solicitors have called Xh selling viagra for a couple of weekends now!

Update on the house we made an offer on. We got out bid by 3900.00. Oh well, that just means there is another house out there made for us!

Have a wonderful week and I hope all of you had a fabulous Easter weekend.
Hugs and prayers

[mylittlehalo]

Today is another day, last night I was under the weather with the change in climate here. Friday high of 90, saturday morning in the 50's with a high of low 60's.
Everything is harder to do when you are sick!!!

Last week we let 4 people go. Things are so tense here, I somewhat have job security being "the accounting department" but this still puts added stress on life.
gee wiz, I need a vacation!!!!!
A tropical island with a mixed drink sounds great. I'm at the point where I would be happy with a kiddie pool and a tropical drink! hee hee hee

[mylittlehalo]

Journaling:
Things have been going great, and wouldn’t you know it Xow dropped a bomb yesterday. She might not have a job after Monday. Xh has been so stressed about his finances lately; if she does loose her job it will only make matters worse. We stayed on the phone until late last night, he complained about Xow and her irresponsibility. I did not try to fix things, I validated and told him that I will support him in what ever he chooses to do.
One of his biggest concerns is protecting his credit. He filed bankruptcy a few years ago and is now at the point where he is building his credit back.
He is constantly telling me how miserable he is and how he wishes he could just leave. He is so very nervous about her leaving him with all the bills and their expensive mortgage. After all she is several years younger than he is and it would be nothing for her to file chapter 11 and rebuild her credit in no time. I know there is nothing I can do or say to make this time easier for him but at-least the good news is that he can see how very stable I am. LOL
IMO I think Xh wanted me to tell him that everything will be okay, and that I would move in with him if she were to bail out on him. I hope this does not happen because I have obligations of my own.

We are going out of town this weekend, a friend of ours is having a b-day party. I am so excited
I hope all of you are doing well.

Hugs and Prayers

[slowly]

hi halo - just checking in to see how you are doing. glad to hear the optimism have a great weekend with xH. hugs, slowly

ps. have you heard from maya lately?