The W was still angry yesterday. We talked again, because she wanted to, she is very worried about finances. I told her that we could sit down and look at bills to see what we can do. I now see that it would be a mistake. I'm going to tell her that I would love to help, but while we are seperated it's better if we pay our own stuff, because pooling our resources is something married couples do, not seperated couples. We had a good talk yesterday, I told her that I wouldn't be bringing the A up anymore and that I forgive her. I slipped and told her that if she wants no strings attached sex to just let me know...she declined. But she did give me a hug afterwards.
You are a brave man. The boundary thing sounds easy but it's not, especially when you are in the same house. Maybe start with just one area/topic. Chances are you will find more success in that. You may want to consider not giving her cash. But paying the bill for her. It is more work for you - but it may help with the boundary and give you a little more power. If you give her cash she can buy what she wants not what she asked you for. Just an idea.
M:50 W:53 MR:20 D:21 S:17 S:11 BD-Sept 2015 Suspected PA Sept 2015-Confronted W & OM Dec 2015 Actually EA In house Sep:Jan/16-May 2016 W moved out:May 22 2016 OM-Intro Oct/17-On scene July/Aug 2017
M:50 W:53 MR:20 D:21 S:17 S:11 BD-Sept 2015 Suspected PA Sept 2015-Confronted W & OM Dec 2015 Actually EA In house Sep:Jan/16-May 2016 W moved out:May 22 2016 OM-Intro Oct/17-On scene July/Aug 2017
Going ok. She is definitely moving into a new house. She found a landlord that has a fully furnished house and she is going to take it. The landlord says he will help her out because of her situation, he will cut her grass and help her maintain the house. The rent is $800 a month, which she could eventually afford when she gets disability payments for our autistic son. She is applying for government help as well, food stamps, housing which will allow her to be more comfortable without me, especially after I pay her child support. I am having a hard time with this reality of her not being here. I'm kinda like an abused kid, I don't like the way I feel, but I don't want to leave. I've grown comfortable. The other day I was helping my daughter color for homework and I color really lightly. My Dad says "Wow Daddy sure does color lightly", W answers " Yeah Daddy doesn't color firm, he's just not a firm guy...in anything", that pissed me off. But it's true so it's good to hear.
So my W and I are moving to seperate places. She is getting an apartment for her and the kids and I'm moving in with a friend. I offered to help with some of her bills before we move, just to add a little extra contrast when we are seperate. I will do stuff for the kids, but not for her.
Melo: That sounds good my friend. You may want to talk to a money person to help you set up boundaries etc for her. All people have a habit of coming back and asking for more $. If you have some authority i.e. an accountant to blame - you can say sorry that's all there is.
M:50 W:53 MR:20 D:21 S:17 S:11 BD-Sept 2015 Suspected PA Sept 2015-Confronted W & OM Dec 2015 Actually EA In house Sep:Jan/16-May 2016 W moved out:May 22 2016 OM-Intro Oct/17-On scene July/Aug 2017
Thanks biz. We are 2 days from moving and I was real emotional today...the kids still don't know that we are moving to different houses. Well the W is moving to a house and I am going to be homeless for awhile. I paid her first month's rent and 1/2 of her deposit. I owe it to my kids, but that is all she is getting. I will give her child support but that's it. I will go dark when we move, no contact unless it's about the kids. This is going to be interesting. I keep telling myself to take it like a man, it will hurt but I have to show my kids how a real Father fights for his family. I owe it to them.
WOW - that's lots going on. Once you are in separate houses going dark gets easier. Yes, a real man fights for his family. It does not matter if there were bumps behind you. Keep fighting - but slowly, quietly, strongly, etc.
M:50 W:53 MR:20 D:21 S:17 S:11 BD-Sept 2015 Suspected PA Sept 2015-Confronted W & OM Dec 2015 Actually EA In house Sep:Jan/16-May 2016 W moved out:May 22 2016 OM-Intro Oct/17-On scene July/Aug 2017
I really appreciate the encouragement biz. I am going to try and set a boundary, although this close to physical separation might not be very prudent. I want to tell my W that I refuse to be in an open M. I don't know how to end the boundary though. Do I give an ultimatum? I already caught her talking to 2 other dudes, she cried and apologized, although she still doesn't want to work on the M. I found an unopened box of condoms in anew envelope in her drawer and don't know how to address that either. I already forgave her for the two dude's, so I haven't brought it up, but I think I need to say something about the condoms. Thoughts?
