So we were talking a bit last night, she was kind of letting me know that she has started moving stuff. Also, let me know what else was gonna be moved.
There was a cabinet that she said she wasn't taking about a month ago. Yea, she said she's taking it now, and doesn't remember saying she wouldn't. And didn't believe me that I remembered. I was mis-remembering. I'm not gonna play that game. I put my foot down (gently) and said that I honestly don't care what you take, but that she absolutely said that, and I'm not going have you grabbing everything you want, just because you don't remember talking about it. Why would I bring that up if it was a lie? There's been many times, thinking back, where she has mis-remembered things, and would;n't own up to it. She believed me that we did discuss and that she just forgot.
Again, I really don't care what she takes, its more about 'this is what was decided already' and her changing that on a whim. I don't think I'm in the wrong by putting my foot down and saying, no, this was already decided.
So the move date is Saturday, June 11th for her. I've been trying, successing (I think), about keeping a positive attitude. I've always offered to help her with anything involving her condo/the move, she only needed to ask. I made sure she knew that she had to ask, as I'm not going to volunteer.
Re: the move, she said S would be able to help her and that it was ok if I didn't. Ok, fine with me.
We were discussing a bit about what time she's getting a moving truck, and she realized that S will be working. Her father will be helping her, but it will only be the two of them. She rather sheepishly asked that anything I could offer would help. I said "ok, now that we know a time, I'll see if I can make it."
QUESTION: Should I help her move? Or just make myself scarce? I was thinking about helping move OUT, asking for her key when we are done, and staying back and not helping move IN to the new condo.
I am letting her take it though. Just wanted to let her know I'm standing my ground and not folding to her.
Is it really "putting your foot down" if you let her take it anyways?
Me, WW - Upper 30s BD - Apr 1 2016 EA - Apr 7 2016 (discovered; ongoing for months; did not confront right away) Confronted wife about EA - May 17 Wife sent NC email to OM - July 11
Digit: Don't offer to help. If she asks - consider it. Make yourself scarce. It's very awkward watching her leave. I just went through it. She was supposed to go early in the day. When I got home at 6pm she was still here. Very hard to watch her pack and go.
M:50 W:53 MR:20 D:21 S:17 S:11 BD-Sept 2015 Suspected PA Sept 2015-Confronted W & OM Dec 2015 Actually EA In house Sep:Jan/16-May 2016 W moved out:May 22 2016 OM-Intro Oct/17-On scene July/Aug 2017
I'm in the same boat, I would have a hard time not helping if explicitly asked. My rationale is that I will definitely be detaching when she no longer lives in the same house as me, so I might as well help now while I can. If it's not me, then it will be somebody else.
Would you continue to work for a company who fired you? Would you continue to ask what the production schedule was, would you go into the office and check your emails?
No
You have been fired its up to Company WAS to take care of the logistics while you PMA, GAL, 180 your arse off.
I am letting her take it though. Just wanted to let her know I'm standing my ground and not folding to her.
Is it really "putting your foot down" if you let her take it anyways?
Yes and no. I honestly do not care what she takes. It's just 'stuff'. I can buy more stuff. It was more of "hey, I'm sorry you don't remember discussing this, but that doesn't mean we didn't. You just forgot. That is suppose to stay. It was agreed upon. With that being said, sounds like you want it, so take it, I don't even need it."
Thanks for the input guys, really appreciate it! I want to stay consisitent in my attitude and actions. I thought about it more and I feel that, since I already offered, which she is accepting, it wouldn't be in my best interest in the grand scheme of things to flip flop on my word right now. We are getting along great.
I have no problem helping. Actually, it will help me keep an eye on everything too, rather than just me disappearing. I'll disappear the moment she walks out the door.
I WILL be asking for her key when we are done. She has said that she'll be coming and going for a couple days. Umm, no. After that day, she will no longer be welcome to come and go as she pleases. If she forgets something, we can set something up.
QUESTION: Should I help her move? Or just make myself scarce? I was thinking about helping move OUT, asking for her key when we are done, and staying back and not helping move IN to the new condo.
DigIt,
My opinion is that helping your wife move or not helping her move doesn't really make much difference. Certainly, if you made a commitment to helping her, then you should help her.
I'm not a DB veteran, so I may have this wrong, but I think the important thing for your wife to understand is that you're not Plan B. And, I think not being Plan B is very similar to detaching; everyone says they're detaching, but it seems few actually do it.
