Phew! That was a real scary moment....I thought for sure that you've pushed W away with those nasty text exchanges.
As you related here, you know the importance of stepping back and taking a deep breath before opening your mouth. We stress the 24-hour rule (or 48 to 72 hours) here in DB because emotions do run high when there's a fractured M in the picture whether it is a WAW, WW, WH, WAH or MLcer. Make the most use of the DB tools in your tool belt:
1) STFU Smoothies 2) Duct tape 3) Inaction is also action 4) Doing what works 5) Avoid going down cheeseless tunnels 6) Words, tone, demeanor have HUGE impact in DBing
Now on to your gripe about needing snuggles with W. This isn't the time or place to gripe about them. Did you know that research in happy couples report that touch is the most essential bonding agent for a happy M? Those non-sexual touches are very critical to the lifeblood of a healthy marriage. Don't lose sight of this, Coconut.
Another advice you might want to really pay attention to here is this: You MUST learn to engage with W. You admitted in one of your first postings that you drifted away from W emotionally and this was backed by W in the recent text exchange (in addition to her previous comments to you).
What can you to to be:
-more thoughtful in your actions -more loving in thought and responses -more interested in W's day -more involved in chit and chatting about anything
You really need to find ways to turn TOWARD W. And for gosh sakes, try to use humor or see the funny side of things for laughter is a great bonding agent too for spouses.
Go on and do this....what is the alternative, Coconut?
To add to Sandi's comment about couples therapy, I would try for a Gottman based MC therapist. You two cannot afford to go at it as DIY for Dummies....a trained MC professional is needed and necessary to get you two back on track toward a much happier and healthier M.
