It is amazing what you just wrote. It prompted a realization in me, about my own M. It goes hand in hand with my experience from last night (see my "unstuck" thread)
My xW has said much of what you wrote above. But here is the sad part, she had it backward. The way she felt about herself is the way she treated me.
She complained I didn't help her and she was a servant, while she sat on the couch and played on her phone, worked very little, interacted with the children seldom.
She said I belittled her as she used sarcasm and defensiveness toward me when I voiced my needs (expectations?), while she contributed very little to our life.
She was cold about affection, to the point I told her I was giving up, she could show affection when she was ready. Strangely her level of affection stayed the same, almost improved.
Her selfishness was always too of her list, and said we only did what I wanted to do. Now that we are apart she is trying to continue to do exactly the same things we did when together!
Her anger was ugly. Childish, sarcastic, making skewed faces, exaggerating behaviors.
Saying what I want to hear only to not follow through.
Compromise? She didn't know what that even meant.
Did you W project all of that onto you? To the point you believed it?
Have you listened to the Ross Rosenberg videos about codependents and narcissists? Listen to one, see if you project everything narcissistic onto yourself. Listen a few more times and think about if your W was projecting it onto you.
