I finally read your threads and it has been a real roller coaster of emotions. I also feel that you are handling it well.
You are being able to recognize when to open up a little more and when to back up some. It's not easy to do that since our emotions are so fragile, so congrats on that.
Regarding OW, well what can I say. It is very unfortunate that some people have no values inside themselves and many times don't even know what they want or what makes them happy.
I actually have a good friend that is like this. I like her and she is a fantastic woman, but then I hate the fact that she is very selfish in regard to love. She does not bother to think about other people's feelings, how much she may hurt someone, etc. It is about looking for happiness.
The worse is that she is always hollow, empty. I see it and even talk to her about it. But it is like to the wall. She just don't get it. She has a complete disregard for people that have families or someone else in their lives. It is pathetic and sad.
Keep up the hard work NYGal, have patience, patience and more patience. You got this!!!
Hi Painter, thanks for checking in. I'm re-reading DR and getting more out of it the second time through. MWD's advice is good, and I think sometimes we forget and just focus on the LRT or NC and really there's much more kindness in the book and in her ideas. W and I are reconciling and it is going really well. Some bumps in the road, but my attempts to be the lighthouse and keep the road clear while also living my life have paid off. And she is being very attentive, remorseful, introspective a bit, and pretty consistent. So we're both doing something right and I'm grateful. Ow is fading fast. I don't think they are in contact with each other, and W is actually feeling better and better about herself and her choice to come back to me. We are talking about me moving home but I'm not pushing that (too much). I am moving some of my things back. I'm happy.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
Oh Painter, I just saw that H's ow moved in. I'm so sorry.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
My advice: read Divorce Remedy over and over. Be patient and kind and forgiving when it's appropriate. Don't be a doormat. GAL and be kind. Don't give up unless YOU want to, and don't do it too soon.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
It looks like things are on the up and UP for you guys! I am so pleased to read of your sitch's progress.
In my view, I think it is now safe for you to try and get W to look at the 5LL book together. That would be a good way to connect emotionally as you two discuss your preferences and learn more about each other.
The one other book recommendation is The Relationship Cure one by Gottman. I am reading it now, after dusting it off after being laid dormant for sooo long, because it helps me to look back on my issues and patterns to learn more about my own weak areas in order to be more self-aware of them as they crop up.
How are you doing, my friend? I am so relieved that you now recognize the importance of taking things slowly and making W work for you. You are WORTHY of the effort.
Thanks ((((Wonka)))) How nice to hear from you! Good suggestion on the 5LL and other one. I think I have both, but haven't yet read.
I hope you are doing well and that your social life is hopping!You helped me so much through this ordeal. I don't even know how I survived, and I made so many mistakes. But you always helped me get back on track.I can't thank you enough. Fingers remain crossed!
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
