Pull yourself together for your kids sake. I understand what you feel. I have experienced moments where I have physically rolled on the ground and balled my eyes out, with some screaming thrown in for good measure!
Looking back on those moment, I admit that the worst of it was created by over thinking over analysing and over assuming I knew what I didn't.
You have no way of predicting the future nor knowing what she will do. There is always hope BUT for now you need to accept your current reality. Not only accept but move forward with it. It is not easy but it can be done.
You may not believe me but you have more control than you think over your feelings. Look up cognitive techniques that can help. CBT.Google excel at life.
Make small goals for today, tomorrow.Make plans for stuff with kids this weekend.
Best wishes
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together
