The cycling of emotions is what I believe is the most tiring of this process.
It's like a spinning wheel with anger, sadness, belief, hate, indifference, happiness, acceptance. And a long long list of others, that just keeps spinning.
Last week I would have loved to have w return. This week I am in a happier place. Questioning if I want her back. Her A fog is still strong and nothing will change until she shakes the fog. Which could be never. I don't know.
Last night tho was the first time that I prayed for W that if she ever feels any want to talk that she has the strength to put aside her pride or shame, and talk to me. It has been months since I prayed for anything but for things to be better within my life with my kids and all. That I have the strength to stay the course and have the wisdom to do what is right.
Yes I still talk to in laws. Very very rarely about the M or W. Just kids and plans for summer etc. if my family was at all interesting or doing anything worth talking about I would add them The problem I am having tho is when I do want to talk to someone. I don't really have anyone left. Friends and family are past the point of wanting to chat and tho I appreciate the forums, I crave communication with people.
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
