I acknowledge the FOO info you have typed. I will discuss with IC and do a more in depth review, I just know that this forum is not the place for an all encompassing history and analysis. your focused info has helped me doing more searching and thinking about it than I ever would have.
[quote=Vanilla Which boundaries will help you most?
In answering when others try to define you, what will make you authentically you?
[/quote]
I think this summarizes my whole struggle V. What boundaries SHOULD I have that I have not already implemented, that will allow me to be me...that will allow me to freely live the life I want to. we all know why I haven't installed those boundaries yet...weakness.
I have read more and more and more and recognize more every day, those behaviors of others, that I have allowed to dictate my actions, allowed to control me, allowed to diminish me.
even as I have felt much less attached to wife, I am still allowing my desire to be wanted and loved from her to dictate some reactions. there is a change in so far as I do not react to fix her or rush in to help like I once did, or try to make a mends for something that I didn't do, or take offense / react when she is venting about things that went wrong or about others.
The desire to be wanted and loved IS still very strong for me, that I have ACCEPTED less than I should, worse I have allowed poor treatment. Using compassion for her, as an excuse for her...how is that actually helping her or me. it is only enabling her behavior.
why has it seemed like things are 'better' in my house. no more raging at me, or outburst of anger or belittling me like she used to...it is much clearer now, because she doesn't have to. she has found that withholding affection or parsing it out in tiny little bits is waaaaaaay more effective in controlling me.
Ineffective / nonexistent boundaries and holding on too tight...is that all I need to fix?
I hate that I live my life without being able to express emotions because, I am overreacting
I hate that I live my life not being able to share love or express love without some form of rejection
I hate that I feel like my needs are always trivialized, especially when I express them
I hate that I live in a marriage that I am taken for granted
I hate that I am not shown as an equal, that each doing their share is not even a thing.
I hate that when I get a sense that I am being lied to, I have no recourse.
I am typing these things, because once I say it, I can't unsay it.
well that was not the response I was thinking of when I sat down to type. Sorry if it is not the type of response you were looking for from me V. I kinda needed to type it though...so thank you for prompting me
