Kyle, I am sorry that you are going through so much pain right now.

I understand, I really do.

Early after BD, my mum, kid and I were in the car. I was having a huge row with my mum over how difficult she was making life for me and kid with her bitterness and cruel words. I was at the end of my tether and I just kept crying and shouting at my mum to stop. She didn't and I had this insane urge to drive my car into a tree and end the pain once and for all.

As you can tell by the fact that I am responding to you, I didn't. It was a very dark and painful time. And there are still times like these now.

But I have learned that things do get better. The pain will still be there but with every breath that passes, you will learn that you have survived and you are stronger.

Have you considered taking ADs? They have helped me a lot in taking the edge off the pain. Or maybe you can try st john's wort. They helped me too.

Please take care of yourself first. Do you have anyone you can call to talk to?

Sending you virtual hugs and prayers.

You can call me Dory/ Grl.

As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"

It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.