So New Guy and I spent the WHOLE weekend together, on a trip, with the kids. (He had his own accommodations).
So WILD to see him interacting with my kids. They really like him and he's really good with them. Taught them skills. It was strange to see them responding to him. They were engaged and confident. I felt like I was a fly on the wall, watching them. He was creative in dealing with the whining. Told me his primary function was to help me relax so I could have an easier time caring for them. !!! Where does a childless man of a certain age figure these things out? Sometimes it worries me -- what is his ulterior motive? I have to work to sit back and trust that he is who he looks like.
Then, when we were finally alone together, something VERY trivial happened and I completely fell apart. Stood up to get away and announced that I was going home (we were at his house at that point). I went and sat in my car for a while, trying to calm down and decide whether I should just drive away; except, I knew if I drove away, that was a thing I couldn't come back from. And I didn't want to end things. So I went back in the house, but it took a long while for me to calm down.
We talked it over. It took a while. It's becoming clear that I provide something really important -- maybe even vital and basic -- in his life that I had been taking for granted.
I don't think I understand myself very well, but I'd say about 85% of the time, I love the way he treats me. I'm settling down. He doesn't check all my boxes, but when I look at the boxes he doesn't quite check, they tend to be the ones that Mr. Fantastic did check, and that, in my view, gave him the sort of exaggerated self-importance that made him devalue me and the kids. New Guy is emotionally brilliant, and frankly I find that terrifying, because I feel like he could manipulate me very easily if he wanted to use his powers for evil. But when things are good, they're very, very good, and when they're not so great, they're tough in a way that makes me look at myself.
I think I'm growing because of knowing him.
Is all that cryptic enough?
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
Was the trigger a dealbreaker for you? After the A and D ordeal, I finally realised the wisdom behind finding someone you can leave with, instead of finding someone you can't live without.
It's interesting that you mentioned your fear of being emotionally manipulated by NG. Has he ever done anything to warrant this fear? Is this a gut feeling or a waiting for the other shoe to drop fear due to the D?
But I have to say, overall, NG sounds lovely.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
Maybell, yep, that was very cryptic. The thing that happened was trivial and yet you were about to break up over it? I'm glad you were able to recover from that, sweetie.
I find it amazing that there are men who will accept us the way we are, lugging all the baggage we have. In the beginning with MyNica, I found I had to explain myself quite often, and that frequently involved a story about mr p. It's not that I wanted to talk about him, but I spend my whole adult life with him and didn't have any other context. And MyNica put up with me brilliantly, and patiently showed me he was not mr p. And that's nice.
Want to laugh? We were kissing; he observed I had coffee breath and offered me a toothbrush.
Of course I was embarrassed but I wouldn't have broken up over that. I had a lot of anxiety, fatigue, and fear playing into that moment and it all just crested over me. I had to take time to understand it though.
I am astounded someone who does so much that is so, so valuable to me could be mine. And really want to be. And not come with a deal breaking catch.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
I'm very glad you didn't drive away, especially that you realized this was a gesture that could have more importance than the situation deserved. This is a bit of wisdom, right there.
As for the coffee breath, I would have been tempted to tell as well. I'm disappointed when I get home and I realize that I had something caught in between my teeth or that my collar was inside out. I think "I didn't meet a single friend today". He was being kind and I bet you know it by now.
Have you read the recent New York Times article "Why you will marry the wrong person"? It's beautifully written and a reminder that our best asset in a relationship is knowing how to resolve inevitable conflicts.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
