Also, I wanted to say that you seem to be behaving like a bit of a dork (no offence intended).
I think Sotto nailed this (though I would use a different d--k word). And this is why I havent been posting to you much.
I get that you have boundaries. I understand that your W's actions have not shown to you that she is interested in continuing your marriage. That said, I dont think that your actions are showing any interest in that possibility.
Originally Posted By: DDJ
My STBXWW just called me now, frivolous call about white sauce for supper. She ended it with "i love you". I just kept quiet. She says, "You can at least say thank you" softly. I say "you're welcome". She then replies with, "you know that I really do love you". I then said "Bye".
Theres nothing about this conversation that is validating. It isnt being attractive. It's just being rude.
As Ive said before, it looks like you and your W are playing a game of oneupsmanship where you both want to be the one to walk away having hurt the other one more. You seem to be in this vicious cycle of punishment and Im not sure how to help you stop it.
As Sotto said, your goals are focused around your W, but not in a loving, lighthouse-y way. I would much rather see your goals about detachment to be focused on what you will do instead of having talks with her: - I will go out for dinner alone with S once a week - I will try a new GAL activity twice a month - I will learn to control my temper by walking away if I need to - I will not start a conversation about my relationship with W - I will read XXX book to learn ABC - When W talks, I will listen and validate - I do not have to agree with my W, but I will listen, understand and empathize
Your goals read like you just want to avoid her. Like if you cut off all connection with her, then you will be fine. I dont see how that works. I dont see you being able to work through your feelings that way - I think youre just putting it off for later.
As for divorce, I am absolutely pro-marriage. I understand that in some cases, divorce is the best option, but in this one, I just dont see it. Saying "I need to spend one year as a bachelor" is totally arbitrary and selfish. You arent a bachelor. You a married father of a 4 year old son. What are you teaching him about commitment, about marriage, about treating women? The person you are with does not matter for what you need to do. Walking away from this marriage wont fix you. You have to fix you. I dont see how being divorced helps you do that.
You say that being divorced will help you gain the perspective you need. I call that garbage. You can gain all the perspective you need without being divorced. It reads like you want to "get even" or "win" this spat with W. I wholeheartedly believe that you will regret getting divorced in the not so distant future.
