What Should I be doing (4)

[sandi2]

It all sounds like good news, to me. I really could not imagine a better outcome from a bad incident.

I explained to her why it upset me to see that, and maybe wrongly, but I pointed out that her A likely started with innuendos and woulda stopped there if certain lines were recognized. it doesn't take much to go from friends to romance. I think she understood my concern there

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You are completely correct in how inappropriate relationships can begin with innuendos. In some jobs where the men and women work closely together, the joking and innuendos can go overboard. They get use to it. But as you pointed out, she knew to delete the messages b/c of your sensitivity. I can see both sides.

If I had not been here on the board, learning how these betrayed spouses felt such intense pain of rejection, shock, disappointment, utter gut-wrenching betrayal by the one they love the most............I don't know that I would have ever been able to open my heart to my H again. All I could see was his anger and disapproval...........and of course, I took the disapproval as being very personal (as if an affair wouldn't be personal for the BS). It is a rough time for both spouses, and I believe they need guidance in finding their way back.

Your W appears seems more willing to work with you in saving the M, than I was. I had to reach the point of just being willing.....to be willing. That's how low and hopeless I felt. I don't think she is at that level.....which is very positive. You still need to discuss with her your concerns/fears and the things she does that are triggers to your emotional eruptions.

She shocked me by letting me know that she went to a call at the firehouse on her way home from work, ran into the guy she was commenting to on FB, and told him that some of the comments where inappropriate and her husband doesn't like it.. Needless to say I was shocked when she told me that.

Excellent!!!

We agreed to go to MC, and that we wouldn't try and hash through who did what wrong, but seek healthy ways to move forward.

I agree, as long as both of you understand what brought you to that place. Please be very careful in selecting an experienced therapist. Search his/her professional background and the patient reviews. I have had a couple of bad counselors in the past, and unfortunately, some are not worth a pinch of salt. Don't be hesitant to interview them by asking if they are solution based in moving forward, or more about hashing out the past.

When "Coach" was here on the board, he highly recommended the CBT technique, especially for the LBS. ( Cognitive Based Therapy). You might want to look it up on the Internet and see if it could help you in positive thought process while going through this period of piecing. Since negative thought seem to attack the betrayed S, CBT may be a consideration.

Frankly, I am relieved to hear the outcome of what could have been terrible. Today is the day the Lord has made. It is fresh and brand new, and it is ours to enjoy.