WAS or what (recap for me)

[roist]

Post by Zephyr 11 may 2015


These are hard times indeed. Waiting, wondering, hoping, dreading...this is stressful. I know you are hurting and i wish that were not the case for you.

couple of things here:

First of all DB is about doing what works. if there are things you are starting to do differently and they are in fact improving your relationship with your wife, without compromising your integrity...then why wouldn't you keep it up. The 37 rules are huge, imporotant tools, but i think that sometimes some of the items get taken/used too explicitly. in my mind, they are all things that are meant for us to use, to stop pressuring your spouse. I don't think it is a bad thing necessarily start conversations with your wife IF she is receptive to it. if she is not (for instance if she says, that's nice or some other convo stoppers every time you try to start a discussion) then stop. Right? You will know pretty easily if this is working or not. Not every woman is the same. not everyones situation is the same.

yes, GAL is a good thing to keep you busy for the sake of keeping your mind off of your current situtaion. But, i am of the opinion that your GAL activities should start to be geared towards finding some happiness in your life, finding something that you enjoy doing...finding a passion...setting some goals...making you glad you did it. There needs to be balance in your life whether you are married or not. you need to be able to have a good time on your own. also, Happy person = more attractive PERIOD. our wives notice when we are projecting true happiness and when we are faking it.

your changes are for you, yes you will become more attractive to her, that is true...but that is not the main reason you are building yourself up. you are learning how to respect yourself again. you are learning how to love yourself again. you are learning how to become the best you, you can be. I am not sure that the advice to forget about your R came accross right or not, but certainly you should focus on you first and formost for now, YES???

last thing. If you wife is WAW, then she needs to have her space to make her choices. the pressure needs to be taken off of her. otherwise your actions will only push her away. I know going without sex is not easy, it is nearly impossible to deal with, nearly. guess what you can do this. You can work on your faults, to go have a good time, make changes to improve the interactions with W and take the pressure off of your wife. It has taken her likely YEARS to get to this point. It will take a long time for her to be able to fall back in love with you. No quick fixes, right? You get to truely decide what you can take and what you cannot. You get to decide how long you are going to fight for this marriage. You are here so i am guessing you are in for the long haul, which by itself...i am proud of you!

Uncertainty, fear, insecurity...these are all understandable. Accept one simple fact for your own sake, that there is a chance that all of your efforts may not be enough to save your marriage...BUT if this happens you will still be OK, because you will have made yourself a fun, exciting, attractive guy who will be beaming with self-confidence and self-esteem. You can get through this!!!