14 days of sheer hell, part 7

[DDJ]

Your postings are extremely helpful, keep talking :-)

I must show censure for her going out of the M, as she has committed adultery and there are consequences for ones actions. I'm not doing it to spite her. I'm doing it to stand up for the right thing. Regardless of what i "never" did, it does not condone her wayward behaviour.

I definitely know that I have many many many more lessons coming my way. I have learnt more about life, love and myself in the last 2 months than i have in 34 years! I believe that the further i get from her, the closer i will get to finding myself.
I learn something new everyday, break that down and learn about that. I love learning, which is why i am loving this journey. I believe that I am off my vicious cycle and on a virtuous one, which may take years to complete, if ever.

I'm not seeing a therapist yet, have a massive pool of support, including you guys where i bounce my thoughts off you all and try to understand my own Morse code. A therapist can only help me once a week, though it would make sense to summarize things.

As for not getting a real connection to someone that I was with every waking day for 10 years - I guess that's the next introspection. Will work on that and get back to you.

Lastly, darknes and dream have gone quiet on me since i said i'm filing. I can only surmise why. But one thing they taught me was, if you change your actions, your feelings will change. I know that 4 weeks of no sex is the catalyst to the realisation of what my feelings actually were/are.