14 days of sheer hell, part 7

[DDJ]

After an evening and morning of introspection... this is what i have.

I was never "in love" with my STBXWW. I was co-dependent. I never really liked the real STBXWW and tried to change her. I created a barbie doll of what I wanted the world to see. I dressed her, took her out. It was all about my ego.

Then she started putting on weight and I seriously could not look at her chubbiness. Even telling her that she's getting fat on our honeymoon. I was creating a want-away-spouse.
Meanwhile, i had a WW who was also being selfish, a kept wife that wanted her own space, but waited for the perfect opportunity before she ran.
I know that my marriage must die. I must find myself and her too. I've never been attracted to the real STBXWW, this one now. But sexually, always will be and that's what probably kept us "happy" for so long.

I needed to learn the lesson of selflessness before I could see how UN-selfless I really was. I think that she was in love with me, but I certainly pushed her away. It does not condone her going outside of the marriage. This lesson is definitely for both of us.

I'm taking what i can from it and moving forward. My STBXWW will need to find her own feet. I wish her the best.