continued detachment, anxiety, and joys of limbo

[Phoebe]

Uh oh. SH has thrown down the gauntlet once more. I'm barely keeping up with the meditation! OK, I'll be honest, I'm slacking on that one, but I did listen to the F*ck that meditation multiple time in the last few days. It makes me smile.

Well, it's late, so I need to get some sleep, so I'll work on that soon SH. Tomorrow is going to be chaos (skating, oil change for my car, meeting in the evening), and then a sibling is flying into town to stay in my house for 2 nights, so cleaning, cleaning, cleaning!!! Then spending time with parents and sib, and rest of family for the weekend.

So here is where I struggle SH. Tonight I was invited on an overnight trip to a neighboring state! I literally met this person a week ago. I didn't mean physical danger, Will Rogers, I meant emotional exposure. The waters I am new to navigating are the ones where I figure out how to set bondaries with new people. Walking/music friend still keeps saying I'm cute (and the conversation was more oblique than boundary-setting) and after biking and dinner, I had to dodge that overnight invitation. I tried to do it gracefully. He immediately back-pedaled and said only for company, but it's awkward. I need to talk to them straight up, but it's so damn awkward!

I almost never say no to an invitation, and I need to learn how to do so with care and grace. These two new friends have been really good for me. Good company, good to talk to, understanding. I don't ever want to be one of those hurt people that hurt other people.

Sorry, SH. You are probably seeing this as more of the same, but that was not my evil twin speaking. It's just the real Phoebe, trying to figure things out again. I don't want to hurt people that are kind to me.

Anyway, I'll definitely work on that rewrite thing when I get a spare block of time. It just may be a few days. If I get distracted and forget, then hit me with a 2x4 SparrowHawk, code name: Sledge Hammer.