My Wife Walked Out

[cbtdad]

Man I'm sorry to hear about that RSG. It's certainly tough and so many of us here have been through it. The first time I was here three years ago there was an OM. It was tough to swallow. This time around it doesn't seem to be one, but there is no way for me to know 100 percent.
So what Ive done is work on me. Do the work that I know contributed to my breakdown in the marriage.
That's all you can do. You need to be the best father for your son as you can possibly be right now. You have no control on whether she ends the A. Zero. You have to understand that. There is no reason for you to even bring that up.
My W and I were physically separated the first time around. Once I knew there was an OM for sure, I stopped being her "crutch"
That doesn't mean I stopped helping and being a father to my son, but I stopped being a doormat for her to walk on.
I'll never forget the first time I really was done being that person. My wife was crying about how hard things are right now, etc.
I said,"that must be rough. but you have someone else to discuss those things with now"
The look on her face was priceless. And it only worked because I had genuinely detached at that point.
Trust me, a WW will have her cake and eat it as long as you let them. I suggest you detach, GAL and do not bring up A as quickly as possible. I know it's not easy. But it's what must happen

[RSG]

It's amazing really. When I post stuff here, and get advice contrary to what I want to do, I change and follow the advice. I guess that's why I continue to post!

I have decided against addressing the affair, and demanding the OP be out of the picture. She knows I don't want him around my son. I guess I have to hope she respects that.

I'm detaching little by little again, it's like I'm back to square one really. I've got plans for this Saturday and I'll be keeping my son Th and Fr. I'm going to be the best I can for him, as always. He truly is my inspiration. If I didn't love him so much, I never would've found DB and started on this program.

I'm thinking about calling a coach tonight, so I can establish clear goals and have even more accountability than I get on here.

[cbtdad]

I think a coach would be a great idea
They can give invaluable advice
It is completely reasonable and understandable for you not to want OM around your S.
Just remember you can request that, but that doesn't mean you can control whether she respects it or not. Which is why you have to show no emotion about it either way.
Just keep working on your goals and what is important to you to detach. That's what you can control

[RSG]

I think a coach would be a great idea
They can give invaluable advice
It is completely reasonable and understandable for you not to want OM around your S.
Just remember you can request that, but that doesn't mean you can control whether she respects it or not. Which is why you have to show no emotion about it either way.
Just keep working on your goals and what is important to you to detach. That's what you can control

Thanks. I think I've calmed down from the emotional "high" of yesterday and am back on track after a few reminders of what I need to be doing. I really appreciate it.

I'm just going to keep working on me and forget about what she's doing. I was doing a good job until this came up. I'll be getting home at 5, taking the dog on a nice walk, getting a couple things from the store and having a quiet night. Tomorrow night my son is coming home. Yay!!!!

[RSG]

Had a afternoon today. Took my dog out for a long walk, watching a Clint Eastwood movie on his birthday and making myself burgers. Signed up for a meetup group, and plan on going out to a trivia night next week to do something I've never really done before.....meet new people.

Wife called after school for our son to say hi, and called again before he went down for bed. I've noticed that since she told me, she's no longer combative, ugly or put out with me when we speak. I'm not putting any stock in this, it's just been something I've noticed.

[RSG]

I've moved to page 4, just trying to get back to the front!!

[RSG]

So, my wife called me 3 times this morning. Twice for me to say good morning to my son (via facetime), which he enjoyed. And once to talk about our plan for speech therapy in the summer. She was nice, made funny faces, jokes, etc. I put forth ideas for therapy and she quickly agreed, though in the email his therapist she referred to me as "his Father."
Not sure what to make of this really.

I'm not changing anything I'm doing because of it. I wonder if she's looking for a reaction. I haven't given anything, except happiness to see my son in the morning and to want to get him necessary therapy this summer so he can continue to grow.

This is so funky. Anyone who can relate, please throw something out!

[RSG]

Looking for help!! I'm kind of confused as to what I should be doing now.

[cbtdad]

She referred to you as "his father" because that is who you are.
You are his father. No reason to be looking any further in to it
This is why detaching and GAL is so important right now
You need to be there as his father and that is it. You need to be becoming the man that you can be. A man that any woman would turn down is an idiot.
DBing is all about that. It's about becoming the person you can be and that may save your marriage. It may not but you still win anyways

[RSG]

You're right, and he's coming tomorrow. I can't wait. When he's here, it feels like I'm on track and working hard on me and us. He inspires me to work, to go further than I think I can. When he's gone, I just feel like I'm stuck in neutral. I guess I just miss him so much, it opens up my mind to everything.

I've got something going on Saturday and have taken care of some stuff around the house today.

I think one thing I can do to get things out is to write. I've done it a little, and it really helps clear my mind and keeps me from thinking too much, texting when I know I shouldn't, etc.