I was in the car with kid, on our way to brekkie before work and school.
The sun was in my eye as I was driving and I fumbled for my sunglasses. To my surprise, there was something not quite right with the fit. I thought that I must have put on a bit of weight before I realised that it was actually another inane first world problem.
My lash extensions were so long that they were pushing the sunglasses away. I couldn't help but giggle. And then Uptown Funk came up on the radio and I felt so much better.
So there I was in the car, with lashes too long for my glasses, bopping and popping along to Bruno Mars. Kid was in a too cool for school mood to join in the fun.
Short, funky guys with raspy voices have that effect on me. I think it's more the raspy voice than the lack of height that does it for me.
We stopped for brekkie and pma was pretty good. Kid was facing me while I was facing the entrance. Suddenly, kid waved excitedly to some random guy who queued up next to my seat. I turned to see who it was and lo and behold, first world problem number 2 of the day. A problem that was infintely less fun than the first one.
There was the x. I had totally not noticed him coming in. And he wasn't an easy person to miss, not with his current girth.
I looked at him and then continued with my brekkie. He didn't greet me so I didnt think it was necessary to greet him. And then the x became very fidgety. He switched queues. He kept coming over to kiss kid and smile at her. And he kept looking at us.
Maybe I was missing something. But when I looked at x, it was like, 'Oh. There is x.' And life, as we know it to be, continued.
There was the guy for whom I had broken hearts for, and who in the end, had broken mine and kid's. Until recently, I would have faced the derision and opposition from friends and family to give us a second chance.
Now, to channel Gotye, he is just a stranger that I used to know.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
One of the things I was afraid of in the beginning (the list was long), was having people find out I was S and becoming a social outcast. Well, that sort of happened. Not specifically because I am D, but because I don't fit into the couples social circle anymore. And it's OK. I have new friends now who have never met mr p, and don't really care. They like me for me. I wish that for you (((Grl))).
We should compare our lists. I am sure mine would be longer and less elegant!
It took me a long time to decide if I should change my salutation. My workplace is the inspiration for Mean Girls and many of my colleagues were probably the original muses. But I thought I shouldn't live in fear and shame because I really did nothing wrong.
Seems like my gamble doesn't pay off. Oh well... I still stand by my belief that I am not defined by the salutation in frontbof my name. If anyone has an issue with that, he can have fun with his monkey on his back.
I am trying to find new friends. Kinda hard with my schedule and it's also hard to find people around my age who are not busy with families.
Maybe pole dancing classes should help.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
I am sorry you are going through what you are at work. I hate pettiness in the workplace. I have always been fortunate to have great coworkers, except 2 jobs, one where I was hired as a manager, and another where they thought I was hired as a "spy". I continued to just be true to myself, and believe it or not, they eventually came around and some even apologized.
As far as the stigma of divorce goes. It is how you carry it. For example, if an overweight person carries themselves like they are confident and beautiful, she is viewed as the same. If a thinner person is obsessed with her flaws and had o self-confidence, people will see them.
I was a 27 year old with an infant and my husband left me for another woman. I never carried shame with my divorce. I didn't carry it with pride, it's not something one should be boastful for, but I carried all that I accomplished despite not having an intact family with pride. People did look at me and "admire" me for not letting it break me. If I didn't show shame in it, others didn't either.
I have also always been fortunate to have married friends who enjoyed having me as their 3rd, 5th, 7th wheel. They didn't push me to the outside, because I was still me, minus my spouse. Actually, everyone hated my spouse and were relieved to have me there without him. He is aragoant PIA, and no one likes that.
Your divorce is nothing to be ashamed of, it is not an affliction. Don't let it change the way you carry yourself, and others will look right past it. It doesn't define you.
I have been myself for all of my time in my organisation. There are nice people but most tend to withdraw into their shells when the conflict doesn't involve the. Understandable but really discouraging.
My friends have included me in their activities but there is a limit to how much I or kid and I can be involved in their lives. Svcks but it's something that I have to figure out.
I have thought of myself as being diminished but it does hurt when others treat kid and me like lepers. I know it's their monkey and I have to just get used to it.
It doesn't define me. At times, I can see how toxic the whole R with the x and his family (and even my parents) have been and am relieved that I no longer have to be in certain unpleasant sitchs anymore.
It's really my culture over here. Third-world patriarchal sentiments.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
Had kid swop over breakfast today. It was the first time in about 2 months that I have sat down at a table with the x.
Interaction with him was limited and mostly initiated by him. I was in a rather good mood cuz a sweet lady had complimented on my outfit. I goofed around with kid and kid got very uptight when I told her that we were going to meet a cute guy later. Poor kid. She was very worried that I was going to introduce her to a boyfriend.
She wanted to know how old he was and if he had any children. I kidded her for a little and enjoyed watching the x squirm before he figured out that it was a boy.
This set me wondering if the x had gone back on our agreement and had introduced TP and her children to kid. And then told kid not to tell me. Kid is still highly stressed and is still pulling her hair out. Something is making her unhappy and stressing her out.
X was cordial and rather chatty. But after the overseas trip incident and kid's hair-pulling issue, and of course, after the whole ordeal that was BD and D, I am just waiting for the other shoe to drop. I feel snappy, even if I try my hardest not to show it.
Tbh, there are changes to x. He sounds like he's read from the dbing script (when he's not going berserk). He wears a watch and proper shoes when he's out, damn it. I don't think he's worn a watch in all the time that I have know him. He has spent more time doing fun things with kid after the D than in the whole of kid's existence.
These are things that I have always wanted and which would have thrilled me to bits.
I hate that he's doing all these after the D. We weren't enough for him to make the effort.
Tp is probably still very much in his life. Guessing that she's the one who has been providing him with ideas of where to take kid as the ideas were the same ones that I had tagged from a female magazine.
And I wouldn't be surprised if he has moved in with her as my mails are passed to me weeks late. I will be glad to finally have all letters sent to my new place when I close the deal.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
The trigger that started it was the mean colleague. Issues about the new place are starting to get to me. I am getting worried about whether I will be able to move into my new place on time as the contractors I have seen have been giving me various quotes and timelines.
Any delays in moving in will mean that I will incur additional costs in extending my lease. As it is, the new place and the works required are costing me more than what I have expected.
And the x's birthday is coming up soon. He hadn't asked kid to spend the day with him and I won't be offering. I have prepared a gift and a card for him but I won't get kid to wish him happy birthday. Last year, he promised to see kid and then dropped her to spend his birthday with TP.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
I discovered that my recent spinning has most probably been a result of trying to wean myself from ADs. Okay, not a good idea.
So back to the ADs again today, and I find myself less angry and overwhelmed.
Had a series of exchanges with the x over kid's schedule yesterday. The x was in a rather conciliatory mood and was quite calm, even when I threw a spanner into some of his plans for kid. (Not deliberate; just that we had the same thing planned). For the umpteenth time, I can't help but wonder: has he found this forum??? Omg, or maybe TP is really a flower-farting fairy who is beyond this world, if she can have this effect on him. Or maybe his violence counselling helped?
For the record, if you are reading this post, dear x, please know that while I appreciate the changes in you, please also know that no means no, that I will probably hate you and TP for a really long time and that you should not p!ss me off with some underhanded move, because....
(I always thought that ellipses were far more threatening than actual threats.)
And also that when you wear white bermudas, you should not, I stress, you should not, wear black undies. Just thought I would throw that in. I guess TP forgot to tell you that?
Anyways, back to the journaling. We were communicating quite fine when the x made a cryptic comment that I didn't quite understand. My heckles quickly rose, because he has a very bad habit of texting me messages meant for the toilet paper. It was/ is bl%%dy painful.
I told him that perhaps we should just stick to sharing calendars so that we could prevent unnecessary communication which could lead to 'unfortunate' mistakes like this happening. The x quickly explained that he had misunderstood one of my texts but I was blinded by the pain from past experiences, and was extremely snappy.
This morning, I started a calendar and filled it up with kid's schedule. The x was still in a rather conciliatory mood, and told me not to share the calendar with his old email account. This made me pause a little as I realised that it was the account that I had sent all the electronic 'love letters', reminisces and what nots in the early days post BD. It took me a long time before I stopped because the x was moved by (most of) them. It seems that whatever good these emails did was undone by my pain and hurt and anger. I eventually stopped because each email was a little bit of my heart, and I thought I had better keep some of my heart for myself.
Well, to keep a long story from getting even longer, when I had cooled down, I realised that I had probably over-reacted. Sheepishly, I apologised for being snappy and thanked him for planning fun activities for kid. I goofed around a bit with him through texts when he kept declining and accepting the events in the calendar.
During kid swop for dinner, things were a little strange. The x looked not as friendly as he did yesterday, but he stayed longer than was necessary, and kept asking kid where she wanted to eat. I thought it was strange because he could have settled that in his car, and usually, he was the one who decided.
And then I started wondering if he was trying to get me to suggest that I join them for dinner? I didn't want to mindread too much, so I just let it go.
So, that's that.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
Swinging by to say hello. It's been a while- but I am back from vacay.
Some rather interesting behaviour from the ex here. He still comes across as a very confused man. But honey, no fog can justify black boxers with Bermudas. Just no..
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
