Infidelity/WAH, my story pt 2

[PsySara]

SadHub:
One of the terms I will be unmovable on is he will need to attend therapy if we move forward and continue being married. Of course this isn't approachable until he decides if he will start doing the work to reconcile. In the meantime I am deciding if I will even consider taking him back. For now I have the gift of time as I can't even file for divorce until December. So I continue to DB with the ultimate goal of being the best me regardless of the outcome of our marriage. Fro now H is still very much the selfish individual who cheated on me, I can't be married to him, I will stay married if he does the work.

Vanilla,
Thanks for the check in.

Jk:
H is definitely still deep in the guilt/fog miasma. Some of the most insightful comments were along the lines of being completely miserable in his guilt. He recognizes that he did a horrible thing but lacks the tools to repair the damage. He is completely opposed to therapy presently so I can only work on me. He has the option of attending MC with me is not taking that offer. He does not understand that the clock is ticking and I am simply standing back and detaching. I am doing this to protect myself but also so I can divorce him without causing lasting damage to myself. He has a window right now, a window that is slowly closing and will not re-open once it's done closing. Whether or not he perceives that window closing is anyone's guess.

I wen to my IC today and she mentioned that I appear much stronger and more certain than even a month ago. I told her that the realization that I can't make my H be a better man is finally sinking in. If he cannot do the work and fix himself then I cannot stay with him. I derserve better and my children most definitely do. H mentioned yesterday that he isn't the one keeping me in limbo. At first I wanted to argue that his inability to be a grown up and fix what he broke most definitely keeps me in limbo. But in the end that's not true. If he can't grow then I must grow and leave him. I deserve a life surrounded by people who are authentic and constantly trying to be better people. I don't deserve to be around someone who hurts me and then stuffs his head in the sand rather than do the painful work of reconciling with the person he hurt. H is acting like a child, heck even my 5 year old knows to say you're sorry and then make up for hurting someone. But my 35 year old H is burying himself in work but refusing to do bare minimum for building our marriage back up. He asked for space and time, I'm giving it but not in an endless supply.