I have hit a point there is so much damage I question if I could handle another ride nor do I think she could possibly do the work she needs to do
Just one additional piece to put in your pipe: My ex had an affair when my kids were preteens/early teens. he never left the house, the affair was short-lived, and I DB'd the heck out of my marriage. We had a good reconciliation that lasted several years until he hit 50 and had another MLC. Some of the best years of our marriage actually.
So - I was very surprised to learn, after we split, that the kids were walking on eggshells that whole time after our reconciliation, waiting for the other shoe to drop. I would have said that things were great and the kids were secure - but they weren't. Maybe they knew something I didn't?
Anyway, my point is - if you're thinking of reconciling for your son's sake, it might not work out the way you think. It might actually even make him nervous, make him feel like he has to wait for the next disaster.
If you are considering it, I'd say at least a year of good behavior on her part, working on herself, learning to be alone, then MAYBE. But I also think you don't have to feel obligated. I know how seriously Catholics take their vows (I did) but I also think at a certain point, when you've been thoroughly fired from the job, and you did everything you could to prevent this - you're released from your obligation.
Kml
Yeah ... no way would I R for S's sake. Truth is in 10 years he will be off to college and leave me holding the bag ...lol. Naaaa I mean I stuck with things pre-BD for the simple fact of fear, I was afraid of what my life would look like without a W, a family, and without S. I hate the idea of only being a 50% dad but hate the idea of a toxic household even more. So ... no .. I would not ever R just for S, nor would I recommend anyone sacrificing their happiness for the children, that to me is the easy excuse to not look at the situation out of fear.
At the moment I am good, accepted the M is over as she did everything she could do to destroy it .. MLC or not her choices brought on consequences. As you said a year of good behavior, working on herself and getting to the root of what caused the MLC to blow up (I have a pretty solid idea what this is) because if its not addressed she will most likey go again, and I have a big bucket of 'No Thanks' sitting right here for that show.
As far as my faith, yeah that one is a tough one. I have been struggling with that over the past month but trust God will show me the way as he always has.
Like I said ... I am not so sure I will ever fully close the door. Logically I should have years ago but something prohibits me from dead bolting it, however I also have something just as strong not allowing me to budge an inch regardless of what she says. Actions not words and those actions have to last.
So I continue to live my life as I have over the past few months free of all the MLC drama, not allowing it to get me off my path. She has a ton of work and catching up to do, if one day she does catch up I will look at where I am in my life and think about it, I will not wait as I have for the past 3-4 years for her to get there ... I do hope for her and S's sake she does and can be healthy again.
